Fairies

Tis the season to be all believin' in things. A giant fat man in a red suit with an army of little green elves, flying reindeer, goodwill towards men and peace on earth. I would like you to stretch your imagination and perhaps believe, just for a second, in a very special fairy.

The story goes like this (I am sure that I will miss some details but you will get the picture)......one fine sunny day, many years ago, a hardworking Man dragged his tired ass home from another long day at the beer warehouse. It had been a particularly hard day being that he was hungover and worked in a gigantic building full of empty beer bottles and cans, you can imagine the smell.

At the end of the long day and with thoughts of dinner and bed, the tired Man pulled into his driveway and noticed something in his way. Being that he was a curious man, he stepped out of his car and walked over to the object standing between him and his dinner. What he found was a video cassette. There was no box, the title sticker had been ripped off but it looked to be in otherwise good condition. Not thinking of anything more than what awaited him inside the Man parked his car and crawled into the house. Without a thought, he dropped the video on the stairs and carried on with his business.

The next day, while cleaning, the Man's wife came across this mysterious video tape which was decidedly out of place. The wife wondered what was on the tape and why it was on her stair. She made a mental note to ask her weary husband what he knew of this tape and continued with her day.

Later that evening, after the Man was fed and watered, the Wife inquired about the strange video. The Man explained to her that he had found it laying in the driveway, picked it up and brought it in the house with nary a second thought. At this point both the Man and his Wife were intrigued as to what was on the tape. They both agreed that they needed to know and without wasting another second they popped the tape into their VCR.

What happened next was enough to knock them off their couch. They stared at the television in disbelief! How could it be? How could they be so fortunate? They knew that they had been visited and rewarded by a very special fairy. This fairy is not very well known and many people dismiss this fairy as purely myth but to this day the Man and his Wife will vigorously attest to her existence.

What they discovered that day is that the Porn Fairy had visited and delivered the most special kind of porn.....driveway porn! That's right!!! Driveway porn!!! The Man and his Wife must have been on their very best behaviour that year to have been blessed with a visit from the Porn Fairy.

It is at this time of year, while we all await a visit from the Big Red Man, who comes bearing gifts that I ask you to extend your belief in a little known fairy. Who knows? Maybe if you believe hard enough and are always nice you too will be rewarded with a special treat in your driveway......you might even be good enough for a dvd!

8 Days and Counting

So we are down to single digits. Counting down the days until we fly away to sunny Florida for 2 weeks. I can't wait. It will be so exciting to see my girls when they find out where we are going to be for Christmas holidays. I have known about this trip since the summer so it is killing me that I have not been able to tell them. Especially on days when they are driving me crazy because I figure that "If you do not behave yourself you are not going to Disney" would probably be way more effective than the "If you do not behave yourself you are not going to get your dessert" that I have been using since they were born!

There are only 8 more days until we board our flight. I haven't even started to pack yet. Do you think that is a bad thing? The way I look at it is that I have 7 more days to procrastinate about packing and cleaning and then 1 day-totally under pressure-to do everything that I should have been doing since this summer.

Hustle and Bustle

Alas, good ole' December has arrived. Month of over-spending, over-eating and, my personal favorite, over-drinking.

This time of December is always a tad bit more stressful than anything after December 9. This is because Darian has her birthday on December 9, so not only do I have to worry about remortgaging my home for Christmas gifts, I also have to worry about what kind of cool thing a soon-to-be 12 year old would like to have.

There is the ever cool ipod....wait....she has one of those. Ok, well there is a computer....wait....she has one of those.....hmmmmm.....clothes.....clothes are good but that just means more laundry! What do you buy for a girl that wants for absolutely nothing and treats it all as though it is disposable anyway? I have only 3 more days to decide.

After the 9th usually I would be running around like a mad woman, fighting crowds to do Christmas shopping that I swear every year I am going to start earlier. It never happens. This year I will have a different hustle and bustle to deal with though.

Out of the kindness of their hearts (and wallets) my parents are taking our whole family for a glorious 2 week vacation to Disney World!!! I cannot wait. No presents to buy (at least not before I leave because suitcases can only weigh so much....), no tree to decorate, no cookies to bake, no Awesome-Father-In-Law for Christmas!!! Oh joyous day!!!!

Instead of all those nasty things I have to do every stitch of laundry in the house in an effort to make sure that we don't have to spend days 5- 14 naked, I have to arrange a cat-sitter, something I never though I would have to do or would require so much effort. I also have to pay someone to shovel snow while we are gone which could be either the best money spent or the easiest money a person could make given Alberta's ever unpredicatable weather.

I did have to fight a crowded Wal-Mart the other night to buy cat food. I bought enough to feed an army. The lady at the till though I had about 20 cats. I explained that I did not wish to have to return for cat food before our trip as it is just too much of a pain in the ass. I have to return anyway....I forgot the litter!

Hmmmmm.....kitty litter.....Darian doesn't have any of that! Do you think would make a good birthday present?

Feeling Bad

With my dear Nathan out of town for work the last 2 nights I have been sitting and catching up on some blog reading. What I should have been doing is catching up on some blogging but I just can't seem to find my blog mojo. I did post the other day (more of a rant than a real post...but it's there) and then after proof reading it (after publishing it...only a little backwards) I decided to review what I have written. I was surprised. Sometimes I don't think that it was me who actually wrote some of the things on here.

After getting over myself, which didn't take too long, I am shocked and amazed that I am still linked to any other blogs....all of which are very good and entertaining, basically the complete opposite of what mine has become. I guess right now I just want to say thanks to those of you who have been so kind to take a peek into my life. I promise that it will get more interesting. Soon.

Been There, Done That!

There is something that has been bugging the shit out of me all week. I am not sure why is it bothering me so much so I am hoping that by unloading it onto the internet that I will feel better.

I have 3 daughters, the oldest of which is going to be 12 in a month. If you do the math, that means that I have been a mother for almost 12 years. In those 12 years I have had to get out of bed for early morning and midnight feedings, midnight puke clean up and midnight "Mommy sleeping...she won't know I ate all the popsicles" refridgerator raids. I have spent sleepless nights with a chicken-pocked baby, driven countless late night kilometres with a cranky teether and paced a hole in my floor with a cold-stricken bundle of phlegm in my arms. I have done all the things that I can't remember about right now that were not a vision of perfection in Motherhood.

And then after all that, I added another to the mix. At this point Darian was ready to start school. I did almost all of the above mentioned over again, this time having to do it on more of a schedule. Just when life settled into a nice rut, with nearly self-sufficient children.....I did it again! Enter Ryleigh.

I have also contiued to live life while having children. I stayed up way too late drinking but still got up in the morning to tend to my kids. I am a human being who also gets sick with colds, flus and other various illnesses. I still got up and took care of my kids. Bad things happen in life but I always managed to make sure that if I wasn't caring for my kids, then someone was, but usually I was close by.

You are probably wondering by now where the hell I am going with this. Lately there has been someone in my life, that I spend a fair bit of time with, that likes to lament about how she never gets a break from the kids, she never gets to sleep in and so on and so on. She continues with how it must be nice that I get to sleep in on Sundays or that I have Darian and Camryn to help me with and to watch our baby, Ryleigh, when I want some time or a nap.

I have listened to these comments for sometime now and lately it has reached a point where I am ready to fire back at her. All the things that she complains about, the having to get up in the morning after a late night or working hard the day before, the trying to watch 2 kids while trying to keep house, or work, or study, all of it.....I have done it! I have done it for nearly 9 years longer than she has.

It is nice that I have 2 older daughters that help out with Ryleigh. It is nice that my husband knows how important Sundays are for me and that he and my kids treat me to a morning to sleep in and a day of minimal "Mom" work. It hasn't always been this way. I did not have a "Darian" when Darian was a baby. I did the work. I did not have a "Darian and Camryn" to help me when Camryn was a baby. I did the work. Nathan has not always had a Monday-Friday job. We have done the working weekends at all hours. We had a baby and lived 7 hours apart from each other!! I did the work!!

Now don't get me wrong. I love my kids and feel like the work that I have done is totally worth the effort as they are really great kids! I am just not impressed by hearing how much easier it is for me to be a Mother as opposed to my friend. I've had a get into everything 1 year old, a terrible 2 year old and an even worse than two 3 year old......twice before already!! You are not breaking new ground.....millions of us have done it before you and millions of us will do it after we are long done. My life as a Mother has not always been what it is today and for all I know it could change in the next hour. I refuse to feel bad for how things happen here. I don't feel sorry for you when you have had to get up early with kids and truthfully I probably never will.

I know that I have it good. I am thankful that I have it good. I will continue to be thankful that I have it good and the next time that this person reminds me of such perhaps I will thank her for reminding me!

Lacking

I haven't been doing very well with this whole blog thing. It seems that the only time that I think of anything worthwhile to write about is when I am lying in bed at some godawful time of the night when normal people are sleeping. I guess I could get up and actually come to the computer, all of maybe 20 ft. away from my bed, but that would take too much effort. That and it is about 10 degrees colder in this room than it is in say....the Arctic. That makes it very hard to want to get out of bed....even for something as entertaining as posts like this.

I think that right now my life is just not as exciting as it previously has been. I have 3 cats with all 4 legs, a functioning kitchen, Awesome Father-In-Law hasn't been around much and over all things have been running smoothly here.

Although I guess I could blog about my neighbor who yelled at me for smoking on my own front step or the halfway house for all of Edmonton's teenage population across the street or maybe even about Nathan's hair, or lack thereof. The possibilities really are endless.

Now if I could only get some heat to this room we could be cooking.

Thanksgiving

It must just be the time of year I guess. I cannot believe that as I sit here typing this I can admire my baby and truly say that I don't think that I have ever been this happy. I don't have to work. My baby is acting silly and making me laugh, my pies both turned out and my basement is almost clean.

This (and for the next 3) weekend I will be giving thanks for the opportunity that I have. I get to stay at home and take care of my family. I am sure that there are a million women out there that would gladly turn in their 9 to 5 job to have mine.

This is getting way too touchy feely for me but just know that I am happy....and thankful.

When does it end?

So I was feeling kind of gung-ho this week and as a result I now have hardwood in my living room and dining room. Now don't go and get the wrong idea, the hard wood has been there longer than I have been alive but it was covered with cheap, ugly laminate. The laminate is apparently very near and dear to the hearts of the people who used to live here. My neighbor is friends with them and told them that we were going to rip it up and the lady nearly had a coronary and extolled my neighbor with the story of how difficult and how much work it was to lay it down (over disgusting pools of dog urine I might add.....gross!!!!!).

Today my two oldest daughters decided that they were going to be helpful and try to force me to stay in bed all day long while they cleaned, cooked and looked after their baby sister. I think that my children were kidnapped by aliens and replaced with clones but they assure me that they are the originals. They were cleaning the floor when I finally said that we were going to finish ripping up the laminate. It only took us about half hour to do that and now the floor is nice and clean and my front yard is littered with cheap, ugly laminate. Maybe if I leave it there someone will come and take it away during the night. It could happen.....

So now all we have left to do is paint the entire upstairs, ceiling included, lay new tile from front door down the hall, refinish the hardwood, buy and install new baseboards, decide what kind of flooring to replace the cheap, ugly laminate with in the bedrooms, redo the bathroom.......the list goes on and on. When we are finally finished with the upstairs then my basement needs to be gutted and redone. Sigh.....I hope these clone children get to stay for awhile because they have lots of work to do!!!!

Camping Trip

This past weekend we went on a kid-free camping trip. IT RULED!!!!!!

I cannot believe how much fun it can be to just sit around a fire, drink beer, talk, laugh, smoke, eat and relax. The weather was alright but considering that it is still August, it could have been much better. It was in the low 20s, high teens, which is great weather if it was October.

We played a few games of bocce ball, which I am not that great at. I am sure that if I could kick the ball I would do much better but I am pretty sure that I would break my ankle.

Although I am finding it difficult to put into words just how great it was just know that I cannot wait for it to happen again next year and hopefully for many years to come.

Getting Back On The Wagon

I guess I took a summer hiatus. I was not intended but it happened.

There are only 2 more (actually 1.5) weeks left of summer holidays. The girls will be heading back to school and I will be.....at home....with Ryleigh.....wishing that the girls were home. I will only be like that for the first little while I am sure. After that I will be too busy with junior high, this activity or that activity, homework, first words, baking and all the other things that, as a teenager, I swore I would never do or be as an adult.

This year I will try my hardest to blog more. I have been thinking about it and have come to the conclusion that blogs only get done when you sit at the computer and type and not so much when you only think about what you are going to type. Here I am........getting back on the wagon.

Slacking

Ok so I have not been the best blogger as of late but in my defence....well there is none. I have just been slacking.

Currently I am not at home. I have been playing cowgirl (ok not really) at the Calgary Stampede. Actually I have been playing "I have money" which I don't. We took the girls the other day and spent $300.00!!! It really didn't take that long, especially when you consider that we spent $25.00 to park. Parking at the Stampede requires financing. We paid $30.00 to park for the parade...yep $30.00 for 3 hours of parking. Welcome to downtown Calgary!!! YAHOO....

Darian, Camryn and I went to the Stampede by ourselves last night. I took them to see Good Charlotte and then go on some more rides. We did not get back to my parents until 1 am. I am so done Stampedin' for the year. It is always fun but very tiring. We didn't even go do all the things that we normally do. I only went to one Stampede breakfast, we didn't have any free lunches and I only ate bannock once!!

You will notice that my Stampede experience is generally related to food. That is because I am a huge wimp and do not go on rides. I watched with awe and fear last night as my children went on ride after ride that flip them, twirl them, soak them and generally make them giddy. The smiles that they had on their face make me smile just thinking about them. Camryn is so happy that this is the year that she grew big enough to go on most of the rides that she wanted to. I think that Darian really enjoyed being the big sister taking her little sister on all the "big" rides.

The thought of my kids going on some of these rides just about had me in tears last night. I was doing my best to keep a happy face on though. I don't want my kids to have any fear of amusement park rides because let me tell you how boring it is stand around with all the bags while you watch everyone else scream with fear and joy.

Anyway...there is more to this story but I have to tend to the kids for the moment. We are spending our last few hours together before I head home on the bus and they stay with Grandma and Poppa for the weekend. I can't wait.....sleep will be so sweet without having to worry about getting up with the baby. Maybe I will recover from being so exhausted in time for Capital Ex.

A Little Less Excited

So I posted last week about my new appliances.....yeah....they didn't show up. I am steaming mad...and not at dirt.

Apparently when you buy appliances in full 3 months prior to actually needing them in the hopes there is no guarantee that they will actually, in fact, be here when or because you need them. Not only were my appliances not delivered on Thursday, they were not even in the same area code as me on Thursday, they were somewhere.....else. There was no explanation as to why they were not here and being delivered to the house that has not had a stove for over a month. There was also no phone call from Sears saying that they were not going to be delivered because they were not here (although their computer indicates differently. Bastard computer telling nothing but lies.).

They apparently have finally arrived in Edmonton (thank god for the little details) and SHOULD be here sometime between 12-5 (when is Mayor Cammy going to outlaw appointment windows?) and so help them god if they are not here I will be.....well that remains to be seen.

Will update tomorrow sometime between 12-5......I hope.

So Excited~

My new appliances are coming!!! My new appliances are coming!!!

They should be here sometime tomorrow. You will notice that I have only specified "sometime". That is because any place that will deliver anything will only talk to you in generalities when it comes to time. "Yes, we will be there to deliver your (insert something you have paid for here) sometime between when hell freezes over and pigs fly....".

Actually, come to think of it, television and telephone companies also use this method of booking, and I use the term loosely, appointments.

But back to more important things. Sometime tomorrow I will proudly display shiny, new kitchen appliances in my shiny, new kitchen. I am just giddy.

Pics to follow....I promise Cammy.

Happy Father's Day

I don't think that anywhere in the world that I could have found a better Father for my daughters. He is everything and thensome to me and our girls. I wish that there was something that could express exactly how grateful I am to have him. I know it is not much but at least I can tell the whole internet (or at least a handful of people that come to my little corner of it) that I wish my wonderful husband, on behalf of our beautiful daughters, the happiest Father's Day he can have!!!

Use Your Indoor Voice

I hate the bank. I especially hate the Royal Bank. Today was an occasion that made me loathe that I have money and that it is not underneath my mattress. It was not the bank's fault today though.

I walk through the doors, groaning as usual. I hate this bank for the fact that there are always a million people in line and only 2 tellers. One who goes to smoke between each client like they had just had the best sex ever and the trainee who can't shit without the manager being in on it. Anyway, surprise of all surprises, today they had 5 tellers, the line was actually moving faster than a snail.

I was just standing there, waiting patiently when this annoying, shrill, high-pitched, Minnie Mouse, WAY TOO LOUD FOR A BANK VOICE draws my attention to the business wicket. Minnie Mouse looks like all the other people that go to the business wicket. Perky, blond, skinny, in heels high enough to look down her nose at everyone of us poor suckers in the normal, million person long, line.

She told the poor teller all about how the parking spaces around her building are being developed and how they went from "like 20 spaces to like 3 spaces which totally sucks because I don't want to have to walk like 4 blocks to my building in heels. And there are, like, creepy people who ask you for like money and like cigarettes and stuff". She further went on to explain about how "like Whyte Ave. was like awesome this weekend. Do you like hang out there? I went to...." drone, drone, like drone.

Thank god that the trainee and the smoker were not working today because I am sure that if I had to stand in that line-up any longer I would have like put my like foot up her like ass!!!! Either that or I am sure that she would have moved on to a much more interested topic...say like yeast infections or stuff.

If the poor teller didn't hang out on Whyte Ave before she might just start because clients like Minnie Mouse would surely drive me to drink.

Falling Behind

I have not been able to eat at home for weeks now. At least not anything that hasn't been charred, microwaved or come in colorful packaging that has way too long of a shelf life.

Since the last update (which I can't even remember as it has been so long) I have new drywall, which we got a sweet-ass deal on, new elecrical (think I mentioned that), new sub-floor and a fresh coat of paint.

We needed 2 days and a lot of beer and painkillers to rip up the multiple layers of ancient sub-floor but we finally did it. I am sure that the garbage men are going to be cursing me for months to come as I will put out approximately 2 garbage cans full of said sub-floor until it is all a bad memory.


Our sweet-ass of a deal drywall was completed more than a week ago and I am still sneezing out drywall dust and wiping it off surfaces that I did not even know existed in my house. There are still some spots that look like they have been patched but I guess the fact that my house is older than my parents....well maybe I can let some things slide. Other than the odd spot, I am so impressed with how the new drywall has turned out and even more impressed that he made a ceiling that looked like swiss cheese look nice and smoooooooooth.

On Monday my new kitchen cabinets were delivered. They take up my whole dining room and some of my living room. This would not normally bother me but now I actually have to share my couch with people so that we can all watch the Sens lose the Stanley Cup tonight.



Our cabinet installation was to begin today but as per usual when I am looking forward to something, it has been delayed. The installer is sick and won't make it here until tomorrow. I guess it could be worse but I have had this day in my mind since we ordered our cabinets in March and especially since I have not had a kitchen since May 19. That and the fact that I don't want to have to share my couch. That is why we have 2, one for me and one for Nathan.

We have company from B.C. here right now as well so it makes it very hard to be a gracious hostess when your company is dodging 5 ft. piles of laundry that have been neglected since kitchen reno hell started, a house that has the same amount of order (maybe even less) as say.....your friendly neighborhood crack den and enough boxes in it that you could surely pack every knick-knack that every Grandma in the world owns and still have enough boxes for the Grandmas to be packed up too!!!

So with all that rambling I will sign off for the day. I hope that tomorrow I will have a start to a new kitchen. Once the cabinets are in then I get to take a crash course in tile setting. Can't wait!!!

Day 4? 5? I lost count already.

We have been hard at work. The kitchen is down to studs, ugly paint and 2 layers of ugly floor. The electricians are here as I type giving me more outlets...YAY!! Now I won't have to make my kitchen a fire hazard with extension cords and 6 outlet plug-ins!! Joy of all joys!!!

Next on the list is to pull up not one, but two layers of sub-floor with linoleum older than my kids and cats combined. After that we need to re-drywall (note to self: hire a taper), have Nathan install sink so as to have running water, set up make-shift, survivor-like kitchen, paint, clean, (entertain Awesome Father In Law), clean some more and count down the days to cabinet installation. I am sure that in between all of that I should also do something with my children...you know...like clothe them, feed them, talk to them, stuff like that.

Isn't kitchen renovation exciting?

The Beginning of the End

It is Day 2 already. Day 2 of kitchen renovation hell. I have been excited, nervous and stressed out all at the same time for the last 3 months. From the day that we ordered our new kitchen cabinets I have been all these things.

Yesterday was the beginning of the end. I finished (well 99% finished) packing all of our kitchen into open boxes. Everything haphazardly thrown into a box and moved into what was once my dining room. The stove was cleaned and gleaming for it's new owners to come and pick it up (and they got a hell of a deal on it).

We have pulled down ugly plastic light covers and ugly chair rail only to find out that the ugly yellow paint is over what at one point in time was ugly wallpaper to match the ugly cabinetry. UGLY, UGLY, UGLY. I keep reminding myself how lovely and modern my new kitchen will be with its lovely charcoal maple cabinetry and it's lovely new stainless steel appliances.

Yes, we are at the beginning of the end of ugly in our house. Now if only the end wasn't so far away and so much work.

*I would love to add a picture of the ugly but something is not right in blogger land right now.....

Why?

are the months in my sidebar en espanol?

Impending Crazy

I think that I am starting to go crazy. I am unsure if I am being totally irrational or not but I know that the anxiety attack that I can feel building inside me is there.

I really need to get away or maybe that is not what I need....see....I can't even decide that. Going somewhere would require leaving my house and even that is getting to the point where I really need to convince myself to do it. I need to meet some new people but I have forgotten how to make friends. Where are all the people that I have something in common with? Am I just that odd that I am totally alone?

I HATE FEELING LIKE THIS!!! I just want to pull away from everyone and everything but Nathan won't let me (which I am sure is a good thing).

AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!

Damn Facebook

Does anyone know where my desire to do anything other than surf Facebook went? I lost it. I have laundry to do, supper to cook and oh yeah, those 3 little people that live with me....they would like their mother back.

I find it fascinating that I have become so consumed with this Facebook thing. I have heard from a few people that I honestly never thought that I would see or hear from again. People that I actually liked and am happy to hear that they are doing well. Then there are people that I would like to converse with but I am sure that they could care less that I still populate the earth.

And then there are the people that I went to elementary school with. I have looked through their profiles and viewed their friends and they are still friends with the same damn people that they were friends with 20 years ago. Which, in and of itself, is not a bad thing but I know that they were (and may still be) a clique due to the exclusion of others. I am finding that the way they portray themselves on Facebook is exactly the way that I remember most of them to be in school. I am not sure why I give a shit about this. I think that I find it amusing more than anything else.

Oh well. The novelty will wear off eventually and I will again go back to not caring where various people that I haven't thought about in 20-something years are or what they are doing. I will be happy that people that I did give a damn about are doing well. I will be happy when my new addiction reverts back to the old one.
(Do I really sound as retarded as I think I do?)

Oh So Many Choices

I have 5 days to decide what to do with 2. My parents have requested my children for the weekend. They are even going to meet me half way to pick them up. That means that they really want to see them. Who am I to refuse?

Now I have to decide what I am going to do all weekend with no kids. Well, Nathan will still be here so I guess I should try to incorporate him into my plans. Everytime I know that I am not going to have my kids for any amount of time I get all excited thinking about the temporary freedom Nathan and I will have and all of the things that we could potentially do. We could go out to the bar, we could go to a movie, we could drive out to Jasper for a night, the list could go on and on. The major problem with all of the previously listed activities is that they require money. Something that is extremely rare and difficult to come by in this house. It is kind of like commercial-free programming. You know it exists, just not in your world.

Now without any money the list of things to do while temporarily free gets substantially shorter. We could.....clean the house, do yard work, start kitchen demolition, teach the 3-legged cat some new tricks or maybe even talk to each other. You will notice that this list does not seem nearly as fun as the one requiring money.

I figure that the solution to my problem is somewhere in Red Deer. I will bring the kids to my Dad. We will meet in a parking lot. I will hand over the kids and he will hand over a plain envelope filled with money. With said money in hand I will gleefully drive home, making plans all the way. After the first hour or so of freedom and not being able to decide what to do Nathan and I will come to the same conclusion that we do every other time our kids are gone for a few days. Money is not nearly as fun without having kids to spend it on.

Small Things Amusing A Small Mind

So as I sit here on a lazy Sunday evening, waiting with baited breath for The Sopranos to begin, I decided to do some blog cruising and there it was.....on the very bottom of the list.....My Friend Told Me I Should....listed on someone other than Cammy's blog. I am so very excited!! I told my family and well, they don't particularly care. I care though, very much. The list of people that I am boring to death has expanded. Today I bored one more person. Tomorrow, world domination!!!

Cheesecake = Appreciation

As I sit here in front of my computer amongst mess and disaster in the background I hear the lovely noises that Ryleigh makes as she gets excited listening to the saccharine tunes of Barney and his friends. The sun is shining outside and it is currently +13 here.

My laundry is washing, my cheesecake is chilling (very first one I have ever baked. Cross your fingers it tastes good), the 3-legged cat is sleeping and there are no signs of awesome father-in-law thus far. My baby and I napped together this morning, her with her head using mine as a pillow, in my comfy bed on clean, fresh-smelling sheets.

I am loving every moment of this day. I love it even more so because of Nathan. For months I have been stressing out about my EI running out and what are we going to do about money and this, that and the other thing. He can see how much I enjoy being at home with our girls right now and so he is off at work so that I don't have to be. Not that he wouldn't be there otherwise but I would have had to go to work on Monday. The guilt that I feel about not being at work was and still is very overwhelming. I have never not worked or gone to school with some sort of income. I have always contributed in some way financially but for now I am on strict orders to be where I want to be, at home, with my baby. My husband and other family make this possible for me. I hope the cheesecake is good enough to show my appreciation. If not.....I guess I will bake an apple pie.

Disarray

So, here I am two weeks after signing off so that I could paint my computer room. Well, here is the update.

Computer room - still not painted. I had to put the painting on hold to prepare for our rockin' party (which rocked by the way...a little too hard for me but that is another story). I had full intentions of resuming painting on the Monday after said rockin' party but awesome father-in-law was still here. I was kind of hoping that the disarray of my spare room would have scared him off....but it didn't. I was going to resume painting this past weekend as the weather sucked and it would have been a perfect time to paint. Apparently it was a perfect time to have a cat with a broken leg too. My poor Squeaky-boy has a cast on and has now been confined to the unfinished mess that is my computer room. Can't paint now. I can handle a cat with a broken leg but I do not think that I can handle a cat with a broken leg that is high on paint fumes.

Squeak will be lame for the next 4-6 weeks. I cannot hold off painting for that long as I need to have some of my house put back together before the total chaos that is kitchen renovation begins. At this point I place the completion of the computer room sometime around May long weekend. I am hoping that awesome father-in-law will find an alternate place to stay while he is here next week (only because without the spare room my kids lose their beds....yes, both of them!! Maybe that is not the only reason, but that too, is another story). Maybe a chaotic computer room is not such a bad thing. Maybe I could put it in a bag and sell it as awesome father-in-law repellent.

So at the moment, my cat is essentially 3-legged, my baby is teething, my computer room is a mere shell of its former self, Nathan is back at work (both good and bad), my awesome father-in-law should be here in days, I have no money due to a 3-legged cat, my mop is missing, my eye is itchy and, all in all, my life is completely upside down. I hope that I can get it somewhat together before I have no kitchen.

Procrastination At Its Best

List of things to do before Thursday....

1. Wash, dry and fold mountain of laundry that is covering up one of my children.
2. Paint computer room so that Ryleigh can have her room back (a.k.a. getting the futon the hell out of there). This job is done in joyous anticipation of awesome father-in-law's impending visit.
3. Pack clothes for ALL of the kids to spend the weekend at Gramma & Poppa's house. YAY!!!
4. Take kids for haircuts between various activities on Tuesday and Wednesday night.
5. Clean entire house in anticipation of rockin' party to be held on Saturday. YAY!!!
6. Order keg for rockin' party on Saturday. YAY!!!

So they are not all bad things but just too many to try to have done before Thursday. I have more stuff that needs to be done on Friday and Saturday morning, but those things can wait until then.

Did I mention that I will not be home all day on Wednesday and that I am leaving to go out of town for the night Thursday afternoon.

Well now comes the time to shut down the computer and make its home all pretty and new. Will post before and after pics within the next week (I HOPE!!!!!).

Ok. Here It Is.

Last night (or very early this morning) I was lying in bed thinking about the Real Moms thing. I kept thinking about all of the things that I could say make a Real Mom. I thought about how I would type out my thoughts and then realized that some of the things that I say might offend some other people and then it came to me.

REAL MOMS ARE CHANGED PEOPLE.

Once upon a time, long, long ago I am fairly certain that I would not have worried about offending people. I had an "I don't give a shit" attitude. That attitude served me well and got me in trouble all at the same time but at that point in my life it was what made me who I was, good and/or bad. I have come to realize that no matter how much I try to convince myself that I am or will be the same person after having had children, I am not and cannot be the same person I once was.

I can no longer have an "I don't give a shit" attitude (well, I guess I could but then I could not fault my children if they were the same way). I can no longer always make myself #1. Granted, it is very important for Moms to do that and I (we) should do it more consistently but the days of "takin' care of #1" are long gone. To me, #1 now means Darian, followed by #2 Camryn and #3 Ryleigh (of course this does not mean that I take care of any one of my children more than the other....except Ryleigh but that just goes without saying right now).

I look back at my attitude and actions and think about how they contributed to the person that I am today. While my past is a significant portion of who I am it is when I became a Mother that made me Me. My life and who I am is like a puzzle. My past is the completed border but my children are the pieces that fill the inside.

Still here

I have been neglecting the blog lately. It is solely because my life is boring and I do the same thing everyday. Today I am rearranging Ryleigh's bedroom in an attempt to temporarily put our sofa bed in there so that I can paint our computer room which should have been done a month ago. I really should be doing laundry though. See aren't you glad you tuned in for that compelling update!!!

Feels good

I may totally regret it....but I did what I said what I would..........welcome to my nightmare.....

The Next Phase

Only 2 more sleeps....that is not very many. Only 2 more sleeps until I have to go to (gulp) a junior high school. I haven't set foot in one of those for a coon's age. And let me tell you it is one, very old coon.

Darian is about to embark on the next chapter of her life, which is obviously going by faster than anticipated by her "Mother". (My children have begun calling me "Mother", what comes after that? I know for my Mother it was Grandma.....OMG.....Ok, that is another post altogether!!!)

Darian has already brought home an information pack regarding a trip that the Grade 7 class is taking in about a year from now. I think back to my Grade 7 year and I think that the furthest I went was Edmonton. I know for sure that I went to Calgary in Grade 6, but that wasn't junior high. So where, you ask, is the Grade 7 class of 2007/2008 going? For 9 glorious days they will be touring...get this....are you ready....? GREECE AND ITALY!!!

While I was pregnant with Darian no one informed me that not only would I have to put off any sort of vacation for myself until she was well into her 20s but that she would travel more for school than I have ever travelled in my WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE! What shade of green am I right now? I can't believe that for the next year I will have to save all my pennies to send my daughter half way around the world, without me.

Actually, I am green with envy and feeling many more emotions than there are colors to describe them. I was only presented with the opportunity to go to Vancouver for a trip during high school. Other than that, there were no exotic field trips to places that would have really confirmed how much of a hole Fort McMurray was to live in. I looked forward to that trip to Vancouver like no other trip. I love Vancouver and I was going to be going without my parents.

That was until I decided not to attend classes. It was not a new phenomenon for me not to attend school. The difference was that my parents could hit me where it hurt this time. I never did get to go on that trip. It was my own fault but it doesn't make me wonder any less whether or not that trip could have been the kick I needed to get serious about music again.

I have talked with Darian about what she will be responsible for doing in the coming year. What we expect from her mark wise (which is also required by the school in order to be able to take the trip), about what it means to be moving on to the next phase in her education and life, the changes that need to be and will inevitably happen.

I will send my oldest daughter to junior high in six months. I will send my oldest daughter to Greece and Italy in one year. I will do what I have to do in order to ensure that she has every opportunity to grow and become a better person than her mother.

Mobile Munching Machine

In the past week there has been some very momentous occasions (all of which are Ryleigh related....momentous occasions for Darian to follow next week).

Ryleigh has become more than a baby but not quite yet a toddler...the mobile, munching machine. She has finally cut her first tooth, which I thought would never happen (thought, wished...meh...same thing when still breastfeeding) and she has discovered a much more efficient way to chase the cats. Hand, knee, hand, knee or some variation of same until the forward motion begins....

This means that I now have to wash my floor everyday, purchase a baby gate and the worst part of all, pick up my beer cans!! (Just kiddin' about the beer cans...Darian and Camryn put them in the recycle bag for me!) (Just kiddin' about that too....)

I can't believe that I can feel so excited and so sad at the same time. I don't want my baby to grow so fast but I love to watch her discover her world around her everyday. It just goes by so fast....from mobile, munching machine to junior high in no time. If you don't believe me....tune in next week.

One Year

To the Lady:

Happy one year anniversary. It was one year ago today that your carelessness cost me my car. Thank god for you that was all. Thank god that I had just dropped my kids off. You would have hurt my daughter...badly. Thank god that I slowed down some...you could have caused me to lose my unborn baby. Thank god that my car did what it was supposed to....you could have hurt me...worse.

I think about you when I drive through the intersection everyday, after coming to a stop because I never know who is on the other side of that huge bush. I think about you and how you were more concerned with clearing all the garbage out of your van in an attempt to find your insurance card than whether or not I was alright. I think about you trying to talk your way out of a fine while I sat and hoped that my baby would move just to let me know that she was ok. I think about you everyday and how in just one moment I could have lost so much.

I am in a perpetual driving circle because of you...I take my time and look out for idiot drivers and I watch for idiot drivers so it takes me more time. This is not a bad thing so for that I have to thank you.

I also have to thank you for spending 4 hours lying in a hospital bed hooked up to monitors to make sure that my baby was staying where she was supposed to. Thank you for the day of work that my husband had to miss. Thank you for the months of physiotherapy I went to and the bills that I had to pay for it. Thank you for making my pregnancy almost unbearable on some days because my body hurt so bad.

Thank you though for the lifetime of back pain that I will have to deal with. Thank you for the awful thoughts of car crashes that flash through my head while I am driving; waiting for my husband to come home from work and travelling to see my family. Thank you for the unbelieveable anger that I have experienced. I have never known anger like that before.

I am still angry. I know that many people have experienced much worse than my relatively minor accident and I can't begin to imagine their anger and hurt. I just know that today I will be more careful. My hope for you is that you are more careful too. I hope that you remember our one year anniversary and take the time to drive with care. Pay attention to the yield sign, you don't know what is on the other side of that huge bush either. Remember that you are no more important than any other person on the road and you don't need to be where you are going any quicker. Remember my car being towed away and that you caused that. Yes...I am still angry.

My hope for our second anniversary is that I can forgive you.

Growing Up

Well, we did it. We went and ordered our new kitchen cabinets yesterday. I feel so grown up...and you know that you are getting old when a new kitchen excites you!!

So right now we are looking at June for the installation. We should have a new kitchen to bake Ryleigh's first birthday cake in!

YAY!!!

A Light in the Darkness

I have been a homeowner for going on 8 years now. I love it. I love that every leak, crack, and broken thing is my responsibility. I can fix it or leave it cuz it's my choice. One thing that I have always felt was not my choice was the kitchen.

In my first house the kitchen was about the size of a public restroom. I am almost positive we could have at least 3 stalls in it. It was a lovely shade of insanely bright yellow, especially in the morning when we came upstairs from our dungeon bedroom to the blinding sun reflecting off the blinding walls.

In our second house, although is was brand new, we bought it after everything had already been picked out. It was brown. All brown, with leaves on the countertop. And cheap appliances. We always knew that it would not be our "forever" house so we did not even consider any renovations.

Jump ahead to today. Our house is slowly transforming into our vision. We have done some painting and have some plans in place for a new bathroom (good thing I have a plumber on the payroll). Most important, though, is the kitchen. Our kitchen is about as ugly as they come. Blue cabinets and yellow walls. Why, oh why, do I wind up with yellow walls? I must also add that when we moved in our dishwasher matched the color of the cabinetry. It was all so very 80s.

Now for the light in my darkness. At this very moment I can officially say that we are doing a kitchen reno. We will be picking out fancy, new stainless steel appliances, ordering beautiful new cabinetry on Saturday, painting, tiling and, the most fun part, doing demolition to kick it all off!!

I cannot believe that finally I will have a kitchen that is mine. Not just one that I settled for but one that I planned out, picked colors and appliances, flooring and paint for. Now I will only have to wonder...will it be just as much of a pain in the ass to clean?

Down, down, down.

Don't you hate it when you feel like crying for no reason all the time...and then you think about how dumb that is and then you have to laugh at yourself but when you are done laughing you feel like an idiot? OK, it is probably just me that feels that way.

It is so frustrating that right now I can't even write about it. I am afraid to write about it because I don't want anyone to think that I am having a pity party and I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, but at the same time I want to tell...well everyone. I wish that I could explain to people who don't me very well (and even some who do) why I have an overwhelming urge to cry on their lap....I wish I could explain it to me.

Slipping....

I need to remember that it is not their fault that I feel the way I do right now. It is not their fault, my fault or anyone's fault, it just is.

I need a hand to help me up, a shoulder to cry on without an explanation, especially now because I couldn't explain if I wanted to, a hug that won't let go and a horizon with the sun coming over it. I need to smile and mean it. I need it to be as easy as just feeling better. I need to know when it will go away so I have something to look forward to.

I need to go hug my babies and be thankful I have them.

Bah Lovebug!

Well....I have not been in the best of moods lately. I don't want to get into details but believe me when I say I need to drink large, LARGE amounts of alcohol.

Anyway. It is afternoon, I have slept all morning because I had no desire to get out of bed. The inevitable happened....Ryleigh needed to eat and so here I was all ready to come and blog about all my miseries. I decided to check out Cammy's blog for an update...so glad I did! It made me smile and feel better. She may be having her new baby today!! I hope that everything is going well for her and Jay. I can't wait for an update.

It never ceases to amaze me, how a little person can turn your day around. And I haven't even met this one....but now I can enjoy mine more. Thanks Cammy! I'm thinking about you today!

Decisions, Decisions

ARRRRGGGG!!!!

I don't know what to do and no one will tell me. Why, oh why must my parents be in Hawaii when I need someone to tell me what to do?

As previously mentioned, I do not want to return to work full time at the very moment. I am not sure when the time will come that I do want to return to work. In the meantime I think that I would like to go back to school. Problem is that I am an instant gratification kind of girl. I want to go back to school NOW!! Only I don't want to have to pay for it and I want to GET paid while going.

I have been exploring my options and the one that seems most appealing is Athabasca University which would allow me to do distance learning at my own pace. Sounds great. So I have been trying to find out about financial aid (not likely that I would get it...but worth a shot). Apparently finding a financial aid advisor is about as easy as picking the winning lottery numbers.

*insert baby crying in background while I type* You are looking at the mother of the year!

Anyway, I also have the option of applying for funding that I was previously receiving at the U of C....only thing is that I am at the bottom of the totem pole to receive it and I must attend a full-time, real life school. Fine, I could apply at Grant McEwan or even the U of A for September semester but that means doing the exact same thing that I don't want to do regarding work....putting my kids in daycare. So this option is less appealing and even more up in air with the whole getting paid for going to school bit.

So here I sit....monster breathing down my neck with visions of bill collectors dancing on my front step.

The Monster Around The Corner

I can see it...

It is lurking around the corner, watching my every move.

I hate it. I hate the thought of it. *shudder*

The big, furry, smelly, disgusting, creature that sucks the life out of us 40 hours at a time! Work!

My EI is quickly coming to an end and that makes me so sad. That means that sometime in the near future I am going to have to look for a job. Not a full time job, but something to at least help out, to make up for the hole in my bank account that is going to appear once the government kicks me out of the nest.

I am sitting here, thinking about what I want to do. The thing is that what I want to do is stay at home with my kids, unfortunately the pay sucks! I know that this a first for me as I distinctly remember clawing my way out the door to go back to work or school when Darian and Camryn were little. I didn't know any better back then.

It is not all about Ryleigh that I want to stay home though. I can see that my kids are different. They are better people because I am at home. They have a warm (or cool, such as the weather dictates) ride to and from school everyday. They have help with their mountains of homework at a reasonable time, they eat at a reasonable time and go to bed at a reasonable time. Don't get me wrong, all of these things are more than possible with a working mother, I have done it and see it done everday by those around me, but I don't want that anymore. There are a bazillion other reasons that I want to stay home besides just the logistics of homework, eating and bedtimes but to think about missing out on them makes me teary.

In light of the impending situation of my return to work I am presently taking sales pitches for the next million dollar idea. Please submit ASAP!!

MISSING!!

I am missing the baby that I gave birth too! The one that slept through the night since 6 weeks. I am not sure who took her but whomever did replaced her with an exact replica. Only the replica doesn't sleep for 10 hours straight!

Ryleigh must be growing as I cannot feed the child enough! She is pretty much on solids (much to my dismay, though I did know that the day would come). She has 3 meals a day, usually cereal for breakfast and lunch, with some sort of smelly jarred veg and fruit for dinner. I am still breastfeeding in between (I am more of a chew toy these days) and have also introduced a sippy cup.....just for fun.

She is waking during the night to play for a bit, then eat for a bit and then she goes back to sleep. Then she will wake up and eat again!! OMG I slept better when she was a newborn. I guess she is just building up her energy supply for when she starts crawling....*sniff, sniff*

My baby is growing and there is nothing that I can do about it. I feel so helpless....guess it is time for a new one!?!?

Proud Mommy

This is short but sweet....

The other we were sitting at the table having dinner (been doing that alot lately, it is so nice....). Anyway, we had the tv on in the background and there was some show on about American girls and what they want and yadda, yadda.

The story was something about how girls would rather have fame than anything else. As I was listening to this I decided to see what my girls would say.

"Would you guys rather be pretty, famous or smart?"

Enthusiastically and without hesitation, in stereo,

"Smart!!"

My heart is beaming....I am doing something right.

Born in the wrong decade.

This is Camryn. I am sure that my devoted fans have met her before...but just in case you stumbled upon this site by total accident....voila...Camryn.

My little Camryn is soon to be the ripe old age of 7. Her bithday is just over a month away. I am already trying to think of what we are going to get her for her birthday. This is a difficult question as everything that she holds dear in her life at the current moment involves Motley Crue. Yes, Kickstart My Heart, Girls Girls Girls, Shout at the Devil, Motley Crue.

She knows all their names, what "sounds" they make ("Mommy, Mick Mars makes the guitar sounds you know?") and that they like T-I-T-S. She already owns the Greatest Hits CD, so really there is no use buying her another one as this contains everything that a budding Motley Crue fan needs. The reason that she know that they like T-I-T-S is because "SANTA" brought her their DVD for Xmas.

Santa also brought her Twisted Sister.....do you see a pattern here? My daughter was born in the wrong decade. If she owned a pair of acid wash, tight jeans, slouch socks, some sort of feather head-thingy, a teasing comb, some black high-tops and a leather jacket I would have the coolest headbanger in the world. I am glad that she does not own these choice items of clothing as I am sure that she would put them all on, give the devil horns, bang her head and sing Dr. Feelgood like no other almost-7 year old can.