Thursday, January 17, 2008

Odd Americans

Yesterday afternoon, Darian, Ryleigh and I made a trip to Costco. It was an uneventful trip but one that got me thinking. While we were there I had to use to the restroom due to the copious amounts of water that weight loss requires. When I walked into the nice, clean bathroom stall I noticed that there was a toilet seat cover dispenser and it actually had covers in it. Toilet seat covers are not something that I usually give much thought to. I have come across very few public restrooms that have the dispensers bolted to the back wall and even fewer that provide the actual cover.

On our recent trip to Florida I noticed that the United States abounds with toilet seat covers. I first observed this in the Denver International Airport. There they were, staring me in the face, toilet seat covers aplenty. I didn't think much of it as we were in a busy airport, where millions of asses from all over the world converge. I kind of just chocked it up to an airport thing. When we arrived in Orlando there were more toilet seat covers. Again, thoughts went to it being an airport thing.

Throughout our 2 week vacation I noticed that not one public restroom that I visited was without toilet seat covers, all being of the paper variety. Americans are very concerned with the state of cleanliness of their asses, they don't want someone else's ass germs and god forbid, their precious asses touch the plastic that may have been exposed to the general public's asses.

On our way home, I thought about all the numerous times that I chuckled to myself about ass hygiene. Canadians are not as worried about it as evidenced by a distinct lack of toilet seat covers. Then I entered the restroom in Chicago O'Hare International. The newly dubbed mecca of toilet seat covers. In the O'Hare restrooms they have mechanical toilet seat covers, not made of paper but of plastic. You don't even have to work for a new cover, all you have to do is wave your hand in front of the magic box and a fresh, clean, sanitary cover appears for you out of the computerized toilet seat cover dispenser attached to the toilet. It was a little odd sitting on a plastic covered toilet seat. I felt like I was in some sort of grandparent-induced nightmare, where all the furniture is covered in plastic, including the toilet.

Another thing that I noticed is that Americans do not feel the need to remove their footwear at the entrance of a home. Our vacation home had the nastiest carpets that I have ever seen! I have been in many a carpeted restaurant here whose carpets looked clean enough to eat off of, even in the midst of the slushiest winters day. This fact astounds me. Why is it more important to have a clean ass than it is to have clean feet. Maybe Americans should take off their pants and skooch around on their clean asses so as not to have to put their dirty feet on the carpet. The other option could be disposable booties. Or there is always the ever popular Canadian idea....take your damn shoes off at the door!

All in all, my trip was a glorious one. I came home with sore, dirty feet but my ass was sparkling clean. I am sure had someone looked, they might even have been able to see their reflection in it.


Cammy said...

That was awesome. I hear Eastern Canadians don't take their shoes off either. Apparently it has something to do with the Depression (why we take ours off). I don't know about the ass protectors though (except that I've never actually seen any in the dispensers when they're there either).

Cammy said...

Oh, and if elected "Ass covers for everyone!"

Mamma Schmoo said...

WOO HOO!!! Ass covers may very well be the way to world peace!!

Emma in Canada said...

Shoes aren't taken off in any other country I have been to.

I thought it was a North American thing until recently. I was going to do a poll on it on my blog, but sort of forgot all about it. Typical. If I remember do you mind if I link to you?

I'm all for toilet seat covers though..the bathrooms at my work are atrocious. And it's a freaking hospital, you'd think it would be cleaner.

Mamma Schmoo said...

link away Emma!!

frannie said...

over from Emma's blog... I love those mechanical toilet seat covers... and I NEVER sit on a public toilet... even so, those covers make me feel so much better! :)

and we do remove shoes in our home... always.

Anonymous said...

Emma sent me over to read your blurb on toilet seat covers and footwear. That is funny. I must say, I have noticed the seat covers in a few places, but really I like to keep my head in the sand per se and assume nothing bad will happen if I sit on a seat without a cover. That is quite amazing about the automated covers, I have never heard of them.

Catwoman said...

We always remove our shoes in our home, but that's because I was born in France (where everyone does it) and raised in Canada (where everyone does it). I was stunned when I first moved here that no one does it. Especially people with young babies who crawl around on that filth! YUCK! My husband thought I was insane at first, but people always remark how spotless our carpets are, so he has finally decided that I am on to something.

Also here from Emma's blog.

Cammy said...

You've apparently hit a cord. I'm totally jealous (and trying to come up with something worth reading, lol).