Family Therapy

We have had a referral for family therapy since about May or June. This afternoon is our first session. It won't be all of our family though as My Dear Nathan won't be able to be there with us today. He is working a shut down so he can't leave. :(

I feel just as nervous about this as I did the first time that we walked through the doors at CASA. All the insecurities about my parenting are creeping up. As with before, I am convinced that I am going to walk in there and they are just going to tell me that it is all my fault, that I am a horrible mother and that my children have no hope. Why should a mental health team be any different then my Mother? She told me that once. I was still pregnant with D. I wasn't even half way through my pregnancy.

Hmmm....I wonder if that moment in my life has anything to do with my insecurities??? Actually, I have been feeling like I am doing an ok job lately. D is doing well at school although we have issues to work out with her getting her ass to classes on time. She has said that she doesn't like her English teacher but it just going to have to learn how to deal with it as this is the second time she is taking the class (due to her staying home last year). Oh well, it will be a good lesson for her on how to deal with situations she doesn't control.

C is also doing well. She seems to be adjusting to junior high well and is back in the swing of things with her activities. She should be getting her instrument soon for her band class and she has been leaning towards playing the flute. :) She is having some trouble in math and I am having a hard time explaining things to her because they learn things in such a different way than I did. How do you explain something when you just know how to do it?

My Roo is doing so well in kindergarten. She did her first Terry Fox Run today. She is very hungry from all her running. :) I can see her confidence growing everyday. She knows her way around the school and it getting used to the routine of our days now. I need to explain to her, though, that at this time of the year just because it is sunny out doesn't not mean it is warm. She is always wanting to wear her shorts or her dresses to school but it is just too cool now.

Tiny Man....well he is just so much fun. I feel so bad for him because everyone just thinks of him as a handful or pain in the ass. He is so sweet though. He just wants to be engaged. All his bigger sisters do is yell at him and I admit that I get frustrated with him to because Momma just can't always keep up with him but I can't imagine my life without him.

Should go get ready now....have to go round up all my kids and head off to find out what I am doing wrong...

It's Time.

Has been sometime since I posted last. But now it is time.

In my last post I indicated that we had a diagnosis of depression. From that moment things went from bad to worse.

We started our daughter on her anti-depressant medication immediately. Being that she is 15 we left her responsible to to take her medication. Which she did. For the first little while we noticed positive change. Things seemed lighter with her. If she was going to have a bad moment, that was all it was....a bad moment. It didn't turn into an all day event.

We were feeling hopeful. We had withdrawn her from school to take away the added stress. She was not attending any how so we figured we would have her home to adjust to her medication and continue in her therapy. The plan was for her to go to summer school. Make up the Grade 10 classes that she had not completed and then start school again in the fall only behind in her few option classes.

We planned a trip for her to go to Arizona with my parents at the beginning of June. We thought it would be good for her to get away from the hustle of our very busy house. It would be some down time for her.

My Dear Nathan and I had a trip to Florida planned for our anniversary in May. It has been really rough for us pretty much since the beginning of the year. We were having our own problems before anything with Darian had started so we were looking forward to some time to reconnect. My Grandparents agreed to come stay with all my kids (they are a couple of brave souls) and all would be great!

Wrong!! In a nutshell....things got worse! So much worse. Darian's behaviour started to slide. Dramatically. Things were terrible here. She was miserable. I was miserable. I was exhausted. I was not sleeping. I couldn't talk to her. My Dear Nathan and her were not speaking. I just cannot put into words what it was like. I imagine hell would be similar to what it was to live in our house between the months of March and July. In mid-June she stopped taking her medication without telling anyone. I could tell something was up and it was about 3 weeks before she finally confirmed that she wasn't taking them. We discussed this with the child psychiatrist that we finally were able to see. It took 4 months to get an appointment. It was during our first appointment that we first heard the words "bi-polar".

I don't want to go too much into what Darian was doing. I will say that she was taking off though. The last time she was gone for 2 days. The time before that was for a day. It was nerve wracking. We had no idea where she was. We did know of one friend who she would contact but she never said where she was. This friend would let me know anytime she called and tell me as much information as possible. We finally caught up with her though. Thank God.

The last time she disappeared we had her arrested and put in a program called PCHAD. She was in a safe house for 5 days, under constant supervision. She had to meet with counsellors and received therapy for those 5 days. We visited her every time we could. During her time in PCHAD her psychiatrist began treating her with anti-psychotic drugs used to treat bi-polar. As the pharmacist indicated when I picked up the medication, by the end of the first week I could see a huge difference.

Darian is being treated for and has a working diagnosis of Bi-Polar II Disorder. She has responded well to the medications that she has been prescribed. She had a bit of mood cycle in the last few weeks but it was tolerable and thankfully we had another appointment with the psychiatrist who started her on new medication which has helped even her out again. This has been the most difficult thing I have ever dealt with.

Our family all know what the working diagnosis is and are taking the time to learn what they can about bi-polar. Fortunately for us we have my awesome sister-in-law, who has another family member with bi-polar, to help us, reassure us, teach us and support us. I don't know what I would have done without her.

For right now things are going well. I live everyday for that day. Yesterday was a good day. Today, so far, has been a good day. I do not know what tomorrow will bring for us but I can't worry about that until I wake up tomorrow. If my child is home, safe, even, motivated, alive then I can look forward to a good day.

This post is all over the place and has lots of holes and vague information but I said it. It is there for the world. I have a child with a mental illness and my life, her life, our lives, have forever changed.

Change

Now quite sure how to deal....I (we) got an official diagnosis that our daughter suffers from depression. To the point of "we" (as doctors seeing her) "want her to start taking an anti-depressant immediately."

I am not quite sure how to deal with this. Of course I took her to see our doctor and we/she has started the prescription. We have since met with the psychologist that we will be seeing. She apologized to me for the demand with which this started. Obviously there is more to the situation than I see.

Ugggg......I can't even put it into words. I will come back and maybe will have processed this all some more. I have a feeling that this blog went from haha to real life. I will see if I have the balls to put it all out there. Who knows? Maybe I will be famous....(kidding lol :) )