Thursday, August 10, 2006

Black Holes and Purple Nipples

I have been thinking and thinking the last few days that I really must post a new entry. I would have loved to been typing as opposed to the way that I have spent the last few days.

Where to about saying up front that I think that I must sacrifice something, someone or whatever is necessary to the the breastfeeding gods. SOON!!!

While pregnant I was very much looking forward to breastfeeding. After an initial breastfeeding bump in the road while Camryn was a baby everything settled down and went smoothly until I decided that I wanted my boobs back. Having a pleasant experience with Camryn, I figured that the third time would be a charm. WRONG!!!!

Ryleigh began her life by sucking cracks the size of the Grand Canyon into my nipples. This was so painful that I had to go on a hunt in the middle of the night to buy a bottle with which to feed my 5 day old baby. At that point in time, I would rather have had hot daggers stuck into my eyes.

After deciding to temporarily bottle feed my baby, put away my daggers and turning off the stove that I decided that I better get some help from our friendly health nurse. She taught me how to shove my whole, rather large, nipple into my tiny baby's mouth and lo and behold it felt better. It is amazing how much better breastfeeding feels when done properly. Anyway....after successful feeding the last few weeks...the Grand Canyon size cracks have healed and all is well....

Until a few days ago. I thought that the mild pain I was experiencing was due to the fact that I had not been as diligent about applying the ever important lanolin cream, used to keep my nipples youthful and supple. So I starting again with the lanolin. And the pain got worse....and worse...and then my nipples started to look old and haggard. Red. Hot. Sore. Dry. The list could continue.

Back to the friendly health nurse. She asked me if anything was growing on my nipples. What? Isn't that my baby growing on my nipples? Isn't that what the previous pain was for? To grow my baby? Apparently something else can grow on nipples. I did not know this. Yeast. Yeast is apparently growing on my nipples and I don't like it one bit. And it grows fast!!! I was in excruciating pain by yesterday afternoon after having seen the friendly health nurse the day before. The pain was so frightful that I became the queen of internet self diagnosis and an expert in researching nipple yeast treatments. At that point if someone told me sticking hot daggers in my eyes would make me feel better I would have turned the stove on.

I read about this wonder drug called Gentian Violet. Sounded like a good idea, no stove required. I demanded Nathan's credit card and was on a hunt for the stuff. I came home with a huge bottle of the purple nectar (it was all the pharmacy had and I didn't want to look any further) and hopes of relieved nipples. I had read that it could be messy but I was determined to be very careful when applying it.

The first step was to treat Ryleigh's mouth. Sounded easy enough. Dip Q-Tip into bottle; insert into baby's mouth. One thing they forgot to warn me about was the fact that it would make my baby's sweet mouth look like a gaping black hole. It is quite scary to have your baby screaming at you with a black hole. Thank god she doesn't have teeth. A black hole with teeth would be terrifying.

The second step is paint your nipples. Easy. I am so happy that I never went and spent money on nipple pasties. Bright purple is a very flattering color for an enlarged chest. Did I mention that if it gets wet it rubs off and stains the skin? Not only are my nipples is my 2 round spots approximately2 inchs lower than my breasts (when standing).

To sum it all up...the last few days I have had a black mouthed baby who has turned purple from her nose to her chin, purple nipples and purple polkaroo spots on my tummy. I have not had a shirt on except to go pick up my car and have just discovered that I may have to paint my baby's bum as well.

I will have a baby with black holes at either end. Lucky for teeth.


Anonymous said...

Oh God, that sounds terrible! I hope the purple stuff works fast.