Feels good

I may totally regret it....but I did what I said what I would..........welcome to my nightmare.....

The Next Phase

Only 2 more sleeps....that is not very many. Only 2 more sleeps until I have to go to (gulp) a junior high school. I haven't set foot in one of those for a coon's age. And let me tell you it is one, very old coon.

Darian is about to embark on the next chapter of her life, which is obviously going by faster than anticipated by her "Mother". (My children have begun calling me "Mother", what comes after that? I know for my Mother it was Grandma.....OMG.....Ok, that is another post altogether!!!)

Darian has already brought home an information pack regarding a trip that the Grade 7 class is taking in about a year from now. I think back to my Grade 7 year and I think that the furthest I went was Edmonton. I know for sure that I went to Calgary in Grade 6, but that wasn't junior high. So where, you ask, is the Grade 7 class of 2007/2008 going? For 9 glorious days they will be touring...get this....are you ready....? GREECE AND ITALY!!!

While I was pregnant with Darian no one informed me that not only would I have to put off any sort of vacation for myself until she was well into her 20s but that she would travel more for school than I have ever travelled in my WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE! What shade of green am I right now? I can't believe that for the next year I will have to save all my pennies to send my daughter half way around the world, without me.

Actually, I am green with envy and feeling many more emotions than there are colors to describe them. I was only presented with the opportunity to go to Vancouver for a trip during high school. Other than that, there were no exotic field trips to places that would have really confirmed how much of a hole Fort McMurray was to live in. I looked forward to that trip to Vancouver like no other trip. I love Vancouver and I was going to be going without my parents.

That was until I decided not to attend classes. It was not a new phenomenon for me not to attend school. The difference was that my parents could hit me where it hurt this time. I never did get to go on that trip. It was my own fault but it doesn't make me wonder any less whether or not that trip could have been the kick I needed to get serious about music again.

I have talked with Darian about what she will be responsible for doing in the coming year. What we expect from her mark wise (which is also required by the school in order to be able to take the trip), about what it means to be moving on to the next phase in her education and life, the changes that need to be and will inevitably happen.

I will send my oldest daughter to junior high in six months. I will send my oldest daughter to Greece and Italy in one year. I will do what I have to do in order to ensure that she has every opportunity to grow and become a better person than her mother.

Mobile Munching Machine

In the past week there has been some very momentous occasions (all of which are Ryleigh related....momentous occasions for Darian to follow next week).

Ryleigh has become more than a baby but not quite yet a toddler...the mobile, munching machine. She has finally cut her first tooth, which I thought would never happen (thought, wished...meh...same thing when still breastfeeding) and she has discovered a much more efficient way to chase the cats. Hand, knee, hand, knee or some variation of same until the forward motion begins....

This means that I now have to wash my floor everyday, purchase a baby gate and the worst part of all, pick up my beer cans!! (Just kiddin' about the beer cans...Darian and Camryn put them in the recycle bag for me!) (Just kiddin' about that too....)

I can't believe that I can feel so excited and so sad at the same time. I don't want my baby to grow so fast but I love to watch her discover her world around her everyday. It just goes by so fast....from mobile, munching machine to junior high in no time. If you don't believe me....tune in next week.

One Year

To the Lady:

Happy one year anniversary. It was one year ago today that your carelessness cost me my car. Thank god for you that was all. Thank god that I had just dropped my kids off. You would have hurt my daughter...badly. Thank god that I slowed down some...you could have caused me to lose my unborn baby. Thank god that my car did what it was supposed to....you could have hurt me...worse.

I think about you when I drive through the intersection everyday, after coming to a stop because I never know who is on the other side of that huge bush. I think about you and how you were more concerned with clearing all the garbage out of your van in an attempt to find your insurance card than whether or not I was alright. I think about you trying to talk your way out of a fine while I sat and hoped that my baby would move just to let me know that she was ok. I think about you everyday and how in just one moment I could have lost so much.

I am in a perpetual driving circle because of you...I take my time and look out for idiot drivers and I watch for idiot drivers so it takes me more time. This is not a bad thing so for that I have to thank you.

I also have to thank you for spending 4 hours lying in a hospital bed hooked up to monitors to make sure that my baby was staying where she was supposed to. Thank you for the day of work that my husband had to miss. Thank you for the months of physiotherapy I went to and the bills that I had to pay for it. Thank you for making my pregnancy almost unbearable on some days because my body hurt so bad.

Thank you though for the lifetime of back pain that I will have to deal with. Thank you for the awful thoughts of car crashes that flash through my head while I am driving; waiting for my husband to come home from work and travelling to see my family. Thank you for the unbelieveable anger that I have experienced. I have never known anger like that before.

I am still angry. I know that many people have experienced much worse than my relatively minor accident and I can't begin to imagine their anger and hurt. I just know that today I will be more careful. My hope for you is that you are more careful too. I hope that you remember our one year anniversary and take the time to drive with care. Pay attention to the yield sign, you don't know what is on the other side of that huge bush either. Remember that you are no more important than any other person on the road and you don't need to be where you are going any quicker. Remember my car being towed away and that you caused that. Yes...I am still angry.

My hope for our second anniversary is that I can forgive you.

Growing Up

Well, we did it. We went and ordered our new kitchen cabinets yesterday. I feel so grown up...and you know that you are getting old when a new kitchen excites you!!

So right now we are looking at June for the installation. We should have a new kitchen to bake Ryleigh's first birthday cake in!

YAY!!!