Family Therapy

We have had a referral for family therapy since about May or June. This afternoon is our first session. It won't be all of our family though as My Dear Nathan won't be able to be there with us today. He is working a shut down so he can't leave. :(

I feel just as nervous about this as I did the first time that we walked through the doors at CASA. All the insecurities about my parenting are creeping up. As with before, I am convinced that I am going to walk in there and they are just going to tell me that it is all my fault, that I am a horrible mother and that my children have no hope. Why should a mental health team be any different then my Mother? She told me that once. I was still pregnant with D. I wasn't even half way through my pregnancy.

Hmmm....I wonder if that moment in my life has anything to do with my insecurities??? Actually, I have been feeling like I am doing an ok job lately. D is doing well at school although we have issues to work out with her getting her ass to classes on time. She has said that she doesn't like her English teacher but it just going to have to learn how to deal with it as this is the second time she is taking the class (due to her staying home last year). Oh well, it will be a good lesson for her on how to deal with situations she doesn't control.

C is also doing well. She seems to be adjusting to junior high well and is back in the swing of things with her activities. She should be getting her instrument soon for her band class and she has been leaning towards playing the flute. :) She is having some trouble in math and I am having a hard time explaining things to her because they learn things in such a different way than I did. How do you explain something when you just know how to do it?

My Roo is doing so well in kindergarten. She did her first Terry Fox Run today. She is very hungry from all her running. :) I can see her confidence growing everyday. She knows her way around the school and it getting used to the routine of our days now. I need to explain to her, though, that at this time of the year just because it is sunny out doesn't not mean it is warm. She is always wanting to wear her shorts or her dresses to school but it is just too cool now.

Tiny Man....well he is just so much fun. I feel so bad for him because everyone just thinks of him as a handful or pain in the ass. He is so sweet though. He just wants to be engaged. All his bigger sisters do is yell at him and I admit that I get frustrated with him to because Momma just can't always keep up with him but I can't imagine my life without him.

Should go get ready now....have to go round up all my kids and head off to find out what I am doing wrong...

Better Now

So after my little pity party I was having myself this weekend I come to today. It is Sunday. Football day. A day of just hanging out at home. It was beautiful weather here and it was also free admission day at all the City facilities. None of that compares to football though.

This weekend had a few hiccups but they were little blessings in disguise. Friday we started off all running late for the day. None of the kids were on time for school but we all got to take them to school together. We had a few appointments, each involving very important aspects, and the most stressful parts, of our lives. Both of the appointments were successful. They outcomes were positive and were little lights at the end of my previously mentioned tunnel.

I took some time for myself on Saturday morning and just stayed in bed. I wasn't disturbed and was even served grilled cheese sandwiches in bed. As My Dear Nathan had 2 hockey games on Saturday I did eventually leave the comfort of my cozy room. I was just getting dressed when I discovered that my parents decided to drop in unexpectedly. I admit that I was a little rattled because this Saturday happened to be a rare one where I had plans for the afternoon and evening.

My parents were good sports and accompanied me and the kids to My Dear Nathan's hockey game. The game was won by a very short bench after it looked a little shaky at the beginning of the game. During the game my parents decided that because I had plans for the evening that they would go and visit my Grandparents. They were just going to go by themselves but wound up taking 3 of my babies. It was a great help to Momma's mental health to have a break, even if it was just for one night.

My Dear Nathan and I were invited over to a neighbour's for a bar-b-que and a fire. It was a fantastic evening with great company, mostly new people but all very warm and welcoming. The only downer was that I went to bed with a killer headache and not really feeling 100%. I truly believe that when I have opportunity to let my "mom guard" down for a little while that my emotional and physical exhaustion catch up with me, kick me in the ass and shake a finger at me telling me to take care of me better.

It was only a short time apart but I was very happy to have all my babies home today. Tiny Man had a great afternoon and was just content to entertain himself quietly for the most part. It was a relaxing day with no fighting between kids, My Dear Nathan got to have a nap this afternoon, I baked a loaf of bread, which isn't the prettiest but is tasty enough and my lasagna turned out awesome despite having only little bits of the ingredients here and there.

Today was a good day where I was able to appreciate that which I do have and not fret about that which I don't. My babies were home, they are healthy, fed and now resting. My football team is winning (for now and hoping for it to end that way). My husband loves me and I, him. We have a roof over our heads and hope of better times to look forward too.

Bad!

I spend entirely too much time watching television. I discovered that my schedule is fully booked now that the fall seasons are starting and football has started. Add to that hockey starts in a few weeks.

Sorry kids....blame your Papa for getting me to sign up for the full satellite package again. :/

My Dad had moved and was working the U.S. for some time. The plan was for my Mom to go down there with him after their house here in Canada sold. In the meantime, my Mom had packed up their whole house and all the bills had been pared down to the absolute basics. Internet and all those pesky things, like water, electricity and gas. They had the satellite disconnected because my Dad is the tv watcher in the house....and well, he was gone.

Fast forward a few months (just in time to leave the Arizona heat for an Alberta winter....figure that one out???) and now my parents have grand plans of moving.....somewhere....when their house sells. They want to watch tv but do not want to have a satellite contract. My Dad asks me to add his receiver to my bill. No problem. I am not sure if it is legal or not but that is another story. Then he asks what kind of programming we have. In an effort to save some coin we cut back our satellite service over a year ago. We had more than peasant vision but we aren't high rollers here.

Along with all the pertinent information for the receiver, my Dad has passed along the channel line up that he would like. My bill is set to go from under $70.00, taxes and extras included (pre-NFL Sunday Ticket) to almost $150.00 before tax (still not including Sunday Ticket). So I set everything up as he requested. My parents have helped us out tremendously and he is willing to foot half the bill, so I obliged.

The only reason my Dad has called me in the past 3 days is to keep adding to the satellite package!! I now have all the sports channels in SD and in HD. I have lived over a year with no sports channels. I have the internet. What the hell do I need to see clown make up Darren Dutchyshen in real life for? Or the guy on Sportsnet Pacific?? That guy should be on radio, not HDTV. I have a package that is worth a months worth of diapers that is strictly soccer. I would never have half the channels I now have. And now I have to watch tv....because my Dad made me.

Adjusting

I was so dreading the day that I would have to send Roo to kindergarten. She is the only one of the kids (besides Tiny Man, so far) that I stayed home with right from the get-go.

I couldn't believe that already it was time to send her to school. I cannot believe how fast the last 5 years have flown by. I was worried about how it would be with no one to help me entertain Tiny Man.

I have to admit that I am enjoying my one on one time with Tiny Man. By the time that we get home from dropping off Roo to the time that we have to go and pick her up we are only home alone for about 2 hours. He is such a different boy when he is by himself. He will play quietly and entertain himself. He will ask me to play trucks with him. And I always have an escort to the bathroom.

As much as I love summer time I am enjoying having a routine of sorts. Right now My Dear Nathan is working a compressed work week so it is nice to have him home for an extra day a week. It will only be for a month but I will take it. I have found that all of sudden I am needing to go to bed at a decent hour in order to be up and busy all day long. Must be getting old. I can't function on only 5 hours of sleep a night anymore. Having an extra set of hands on Friday only makes things easier.

I am still running the Parents and Tots program at our community league this year. I have decided instead of feeling like I am wasting time there to use it to do crafting that I feel guilty doing at home. I now have 2 hours a week to dedicate to crafting (assuming that I am by myself with Tiny Man. If I have company, great!!) I totally enjoyed myself this morning, and again, Tiny Man was so good by himself. :)

So for all the change that has happened here I am adjusting and learning that the changes that are happening can be good. I feel like I am evolving as a parent and as a person. Learning what is important to me and my family. A happy, rested Momma makes for a much better day. That is a great adjustment.

Exciting Things

This week has seen some exciting things happen....

My Tiny Man started to take his first steps. He is getting braver by the second. He tries to walk and then must figure out that it is just faster to crawl so down to hands and knees he goes. He will take about 5 or 6 steps at a time. I can't believe he is growing so fast. He has 4 teeth now as well. I am sure that he is going to get more real quick as the whole lower half of his face is covered with a rash. Poor boy, he always looks like he got beat up.

Darian brought home a report card that shows she is putting effort into school. There are still things that need to be worked on (gym for one) but I am seeing improvement in what matters to me (not gym). Camryn should be getting hers this week. I am sure all will be good. :)

I booked our flights to Orlando. I can't wait. All I have to do now is buy our park tickets and any extra tickets (Cirque Du Soleil and Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party). Our room has been booked for some time already but the flights....the flights mean we are actually getting there! I found a good price (as far as I know) through Expedia with good arrival and departure times and to top it all off I got some Airmiles.

Counseling session went well. Just talked mainly about how I would like to improve my relationship with my older daughters. I have been given some reading materials and find that as I read through them that I really am not doing EVERYTHING wrong, just need to change some approaches. I will work on the parenting part of me and continue to journal and get some things off my chest for the me part of me. I will take Darian into the counselor when we (and the counselor) return from holidays. I hope that she will take some good from it as well. She is a great kid who is just testing the water and making some not so great choices but I want her to know that she doesn't need to make some of the mistakes she is making in order to live her life.

I bought some new lamps for my living room. May not seem exciting but at least now I can see things in my house at night. I am excited about that. I also moved a gigantic chair out of our living room and into Roo's room. Now she has somewhere comfy to sit when she watches her movies. With the chair gone it also gives Kaiden more room to practice his new skill.

We are now just a little over a week away from our big trip to Phoenix. It should be fun. I am a little nervous about the 30-something hour trip to get there but I am sure that we will manage. I am extra excited about it because it snowed here again today and the temperature is supposed to dip right when I am arriving to sunshine and +30 weather. I can't wait!!!

Thursday

Finally.....this week seems to be taking forever to get through. I have been extra busy doing some research on what is looking like our next big family adventure. I will fill you in when final decisions have been made. It is a big one though.

There has been lots of big things addressed around here lately. The biggest for me being that I am going to start counseling next week. I am finding that I am not communicating with my older kids. I need to fix that. I am also realizing that I have some issues that need to be sorted out. I am nervously excited about going. I have known for some time that this is something that I should do but never actively took the steps to make it happen.

I have a feeling that there will be some major changes in our family. All in the hopes of making things better. Don't get me wrong, things are ok but I know that there is room for improvement. I am starting to really grasp what is important to me for my family and am tired of just sitting on my ass thinking about all the changes that I should be making.

I am even going to schedule an appointment with the trainer at the gym in an effort to get my fat ass out the door. Another thing that I am tired of having, as I have previously mentioned, is a fat ass. I am working on it though. I am trying not to get discouraged by set backs that I am having at Weight Watchers. I am still going even when I suspect it will not be a good week.

Yessir!! Ima changin'!!! Hope it stays this way and it all works out. I feel optimistic and I like it.

Kid-Free Weekend

I had a childless weekend and it was spectacular!!! I drove to my parents Thursday night, arriving around 11 pm. I decided to drive that night as I wasn't tired and being that I am never guaranteed a good night sleep I thought I better go while I knew I would stay awake.

Friday morning I just hung out, had lunch with my Mom and then away I went. I drove home, all alone, listening to my music nice and loud and basking in the sunshine. I got home just in time to change my clothes and pick up My Dear Nathan from work.

We came home and decided to head to a local casino that we have never been to before. We had Nathan's brother and a good friend of mine join us for the evening. It was all sorts of fun. We ate at the sports bar in the casino. It was ok, but nothing worth writing any more about. We were treated to watching Jon Montgomery win a gold medal in the Men's Skeleton while we ate. It was so exciting.

We gambled a little, didn't win anything though. Being there just made me want to go back to Vegas in a bad way.

We slept in on Saturday. I didn't get out of bed until 3:30 in the afternoon. I loved every second of it. I needed some good, uninterrupted sleep. I feel so much better, even after a weekend of late nights.

Saturday night was our night at our neighbourhood pub. We invited some friends along to help celebrate my birthday. While not everyone we invited showed up we were joined by a handful of awesome people! I thank every single one of you that showed up. Especially Leanne, Marty and Monique who came despite only having met me once or not at all! :) Thanks again. I had a great time.

At the end of the night we just came home, made some fancy pomegranate drinks with the Grey Goose that My Dear Nathan bought me (I love that he indulges my expensive tastes :D), listened to some music and eventually, at some crazy early hour, decided to go to bed.

We met my parents half way at 5:00, picked up my babies, who I missed like crazy and came home. And now begins another week. I dropped off My Dear Nathan for work this morning, have sent one kid off to school and am getting the other ready. I have some major house work to catch up on after my lazy weekend.

I have another weekend to look forward to as well. This Saturday is my Spa day from the kids, Ladies night and hopefully a birthday meal with my family.

28 Day Organizing Challenge

Check this out!

This is from a website that I like to frequent, which frequently leads me to say "hmmmm.....maybe I should stop procrastinating and actually organize this house like I keep saying I am going to".

I have decided that I am going to participate in the 28 day challenge. In the last few days I have been washing the walls in my living/dining room because I desperately want to paint them. I do believe that I have mentioned this before. I am going to use this challenge to hold myself accountable to wanting to do this.

My living room has become a baby zone. I have large furniture which doesn't help the situation either. Have I ever mentioned that I hate my furniture, talk about buyer's remorse!! Ugggg.....perhaps once I have the room painted, new curtains and maybe even a new layout I will enjoy the room a little bit more.

I will take some pictures of the room for the required before shots but I think that I will keep them to myself until the end. Or maybe not. I just don't know at this point. I also have a few small areas which I will take pictures of.....if nothing else maybe I can at least enter in that category.

I dunno. I want to get this done. I want to live in a house where I don't constantly feel overwhelmed by stuff and mess.....this is all sounding familiar. I think that I have said all this before. Maybe that is enough of a reason to join the challenge. Prizes certainly don't hurt either.