Odd Americans

Yesterday afternoon, Darian, Ryleigh and I made a trip to Costco. It was an uneventful trip but one that got me thinking. While we were there I had to use to the restroom due to the copious amounts of water that weight loss requires. When I walked into the nice, clean bathroom stall I noticed that there was a toilet seat cover dispenser and it actually had covers in it. Toilet seat covers are not something that I usually give much thought to. I have come across very few public restrooms that have the dispensers bolted to the back wall and even fewer that provide the actual cover.

On our recent trip to Florida I noticed that the United States abounds with toilet seat covers. I first observed this in the Denver International Airport. There they were, staring me in the face, toilet seat covers aplenty. I didn't think much of it as we were in a busy airport, where millions of asses from all over the world converge. I kind of just chocked it up to an airport thing. When we arrived in Orlando there were more toilet seat covers. Again, thoughts went to it being an airport thing.

Throughout our 2 week vacation I noticed that not one public restroom that I visited was without toilet seat covers, all being of the paper variety. Americans are very concerned with the state of cleanliness of their asses, they don't want someone else's ass germs and god forbid, their precious asses touch the plastic that may have been exposed to the general public's asses.

On our way home, I thought about all the numerous times that I chuckled to myself about ass hygiene. Canadians are not as worried about it as evidenced by a distinct lack of toilet seat covers. Then I entered the restroom in Chicago O'Hare International. The newly dubbed mecca of toilet seat covers. In the O'Hare restrooms they have mechanical toilet seat covers, not made of paper but of plastic. You don't even have to work for a new cover, all you have to do is wave your hand in front of the magic box and a fresh, clean, sanitary cover appears for you out of the computerized toilet seat cover dispenser attached to the toilet. It was a little odd sitting on a plastic covered toilet seat. I felt like I was in some sort of grandparent-induced nightmare, where all the furniture is covered in plastic, including the toilet.

Another thing that I noticed is that Americans do not feel the need to remove their footwear at the entrance of a home. Our vacation home had the nastiest carpets that I have ever seen! I have been in many a carpeted restaurant here whose carpets looked clean enough to eat off of, even in the midst of the slushiest winters day. This fact astounds me. Why is it more important to have a clean ass than it is to have clean feet. Maybe Americans should take off their pants and skooch around on their clean asses so as not to have to put their dirty feet on the carpet. The other option could be disposable booties. Or there is always the ever popular Canadian idea....take your damn shoes off at the door!

All in all, my trip was a glorious one. I came home with sore, dirty feet but my ass was sparkling clean. I am sure had someone looked, they might even have been able to see their reflection in it.