Does anyone know the meaning of Christmas?

Tonight is the girl's Christmas concert. Every year I look forward to seeing my children up on the big stage belting out Christmas tunes that I have never, ever heard of.

Then I get to the school. All the excitement drains from my body like a soul sucking leech is stuck to my big toe. First off there is never anywhere to sit. The school gym is crammed like a can of sardines with parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, Billy's second mother's brother's dog's babysitter who picks up Billy from school, and the inevitable drunk who makes an already bad smelling gym worse.

I find myself standing in the back of the gym craning my neck over the giants who only ever seem to come out at Christmas time and insist on standing in front of me...little me...as opposed to in front of the other giant who is a few inches taller.

Then the concert starts after the incoherent ramblings of a school principal with a heart of gold. I watch as the cute little kids put their hands over their eyes looking for their families, both their immediate family and their so distant family, they could marry. Meanwhile the giant shifts his weight and I am now staring at the crack of a giant ass, while the drunk is stumbling out of his seat to pee....again.

This continues for unknown song after unknown song, until finally my girls are up!! The soul sucking leech has had his fill and is taking a break as now I can feel excitement welling up within me. I see my girls march proudly up the stage stairs........only to see them disappear behind the offspring of the giant standing in front of me!!!!

By the time the drunk sits back down and the giant shifts his weight to the other foot, the song has ended and I see the top of my children's heads as they stand up from their bow!!! Now comes the dilemma. Do I leave now or wait until the end of the concert?

The answer comes to me in a flurry of activity. The drunk is not feeling well and has lurched out of his seat for the door. The giant also sees this opportunity and bolts. I am finally standing with a fine view of the stage. The leech has moved onto bigger and better things (the giant, or maybe the drunk, I don't care at this point) and I am so excited I could pee my pants.

All the excitement pays off in the end. My girls take the stage with the rest of the school for their big finale. The giant and offspring have left the building, the drunk has decided to camp out in the bathroom until their child comes looking for them and I am left, tears in my eyes, with "the best seat in the house". My children sing their hearts out, with their hands over their eyes looking for me. I wave, and they wave back. They proudly take their bow and exit. The curtain closes.

All the parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, and even Billy's twisted relatives rush for the door. I take a moment to drink in my children's performance one more time in my head while I smile and I know what Christmas means to me. My children. Thats it. They are Christmas.