Weigh In

I had my Weight Watchers meeting tonight. In week 1 I lost 1.6 lbs. Not bad. It is a healthy weight loss and still puts me on track for a goal that I set for myself. I would like to be down 5% of my weight by my birthday.

I will not lie though. I was hoping for more. I guess that this week I will just have to work that much harder. I did good with the eating. I ate all (or most of) my daily points allowance which is something that I struggle with. I just find not eating to be so much easier....it doesn't require any preparation or thought. I think that my weight problem has way more to do with this mindset than simply over eating. I need to get out of the mind thought that food=fat.

I often watch The Biggest Loser and they always seem to have a person on that has some sort of an emotional breakthrough. I have been thinking about my life and trying to figure out if there is something that happened that may have contributed to weight gain. I don't think that is the case for me. I don't eat and think about, or not think about, bad things that have happened. I think about how fat is this going to make me. I think about, well I would just rather not think about eating.

This week I am going to try to get in all my food and add a day of exercise to the week. Roo enjoys doing the Wii Fit with me so as long as she wants to play I will have no excuses not to. She had me doing it today when I wanted to nap :)

Here's hoping for better numbers next week!!

7 Months

Yesterday my Tiny Man turned 7 months old. He decided to put his party pants on and keep me up until almost 4:00. Good thing he is cute because I was tired and would not have put up with that from just anyone. Oh well, we watched The Great Escape on television. That Steve McQueen, he was so macho! :D

Kaiden is crawling and learning how to pull himself up on the furniture. He looks a little worse for wear though as he has not learned how to sit down and usually just falls over when he is done grabbing at everything at his standing level. His forehead is a little blue and bumpy. My Dear Nathan tells me to get used to it as boys are always bumping themselves and looking like they wrestle with tigers.

I am hoping that in the next 5 months Kaiden will begin to sleep through the night because honestly....I need him to. By the end of the week I am so tired and then I spend half my weekend with My Dear Nathan home and looking after the kids while I sleep....I would rather be out and doing things with my family.

Kaiden has started to become quite the story teller....mostly stories about Da Da Da Da....figures Ma Ma Ma Ma is way too tired to tell exciting stories about lol.

Off for a nap while he does....thankfully Roo will lay with me for some quiet time.

Day 2

I did it on Tuesday. I waffled right up until the time that I was leaving on whether or not I was going to go to that Weight Watchers meeting. I had all sorts of excuses...I don't have money today. Even if I have money today if I don't commit to it I will just be wasting money. I ate bad things today, I will start tomorrow and be prepped for next week. It is snowing. It is cold. It is winter. I have a baby at home....and so on and so on. But I did it. I just went.

I am not happy to say what my weight is and it is not the all time high that I was at my first prenatal appointment with Kaiden, but it is not great. I am pleased to say that it does not include a consecutive 2 and 5 which is what I was thinking.

I have done good with the eating these last 2 days. Stayed within my target without going over. I even dusted off the ol' Wii Fit today. I only managed to get in 20 minutes during one of Tiny Man's catnaps but it is 20 more minutes of movement than I have been doing up until today.

I hope that I see good results on Tuesday. I made a half-assed attempt to rejoin a few months ago and knew I was on a crash course when I didn't lose on the first week. I knew in my head that I wasn't ready then but I tried to tell myself I was going to do it. I don't feel like that this time. I don't feel like I am telling myself that I have to do this, I am just doing it. I don't want to be this size in Florida. I want to feel better about myself in Florida. I want to feel better about myself everyday.

I have a target of losing 5% by my birthday. It is totally doable. I am going to do it. Now I just need to figure out what my reward will be for reaching this goal. Suggestions? I do know that I need new jeans and almost always buy them from the US....hmmmm....will be there at the end of March. Maybe buying a smaller size would be a good reward! :)

At It Again

I have to do it. I have to. I am going to bite the bullet and go back to Weight Watchers. I have had success when I have done Weight Watchers but then I get complacent and quit, thinking that I can do it on my own. I can't. I admit it. I suck at trying to lose weight on my own.

I don't want to weight 5000 lbs. when I go back to Florida in 8 months. I don't want to weigh what I do now. I need the accountability that comes with the weekly weigh in. I know that I have all the support in the world from My Dear Nathan, I just have to support myself.

I sit here during the week and watch shows like The Biggest Loser. I would love to do what they do but I can't. I have other things to worry about and I have no Bob or Jillian. I have me. I know that I can do Weight Watchers. I have done it before. I want this to be the last "before".

Weekend

This weekend definitely had some ups and some downs.

The downs included:

• My satellite radio being stolen out of my van. Now I am not sure why someone would steal it as it is no good to anyone else. It was not activated and has now been reported stolen making it impossible to activate it. They ripped the antenna so unless they have one...again though...no programming makes for a boring radio.
• My satellite receiver in the house is kaput. I have a new one coming via the insurance program I pay for but I am more than likely going to lose the programming that I had recorded on the hard drive. This makes me mad because there were pay per view movies on it that I haven't had a chance to watch with My Dear Nathan yet.
• Certain conversations that I had with Awesome-Father-In-Law and Awesome-Brother-In-Law. I really wish that they or us would move far away from each other so that I didn't have to deal with them. Every time I try to get somewhere with them, for the benefit of my kids, it goes nowhere. Oh well....I will not be the one who goes through life thinking that I am a good Grandpa/Uncle even though my grandchildren/nieces/nephew can't be bothered with me.
• My Dear Nathan was ever so helpful and put in some laundry for me. Down side of that...he overloaded the washing machine causing it to shake so bad that a full bottle of laundry soap fell on the floor and broke. Yay! I love gooey, soapy messes! :(
• Of minor consequence, both the Cardinals and the Cowboys lost this weekend. Those were both the teams in the NFC that I was hoping would win.

The ups of the weekend include, but are not limited to:

• My Dear Nathan being at home for an extra night this week.
• After taking her ipod to school when she wasn't supposed to and having it disappear, we got Camryn's ipod back, in complete working order.
• Going out for beer with My Dear Nathan.
• Our awesome weather. Warm and sunny in January makes for a happy Mamma Schmoo.
• My Dear Nathan cleaning behind the stove. A project which I have been wanting to get done but am unable to do alone due to the weight of my stove. While I slept in yesterday MDN did it for me.
• My Dear Nathan letting me sleep in. Although I am still up with Kaiden it is nice that I am allowed to sleep in after MDN gets up for his shift with our Tiny Man.
• It was nice of whomever stole our radio out of our van to leave all of our kid's DVDs. They are likely worth more than the radio is and would have been more expensive to replace.
• Knowing that My Dear Nathan may be working some 12 hour days soon. Since he is out of town he would prefer to be working as much as possible. 12 hour days make for nice paycheques.
• The Colts winning their game.
• The Chargers losing their game.
• Only 245 more days until Florida :)

Bad Night

Last night was rough. Really rough. So rough that even now I still feel like crying. Kaiden was up all night. I am not sure what his deal is but the past few weeks have been horrible, sleep wise. I cannot get over how different he is from the girls. He is so busy. He hits, he pinches, he digs his toes into my leg. I spend all day feeling like he is beating the crap out of me and he isn't even 7 months old yet!!

My Dear Nathan will home tomorrow night. A bonus night at home. He still has to work on Friday but at least I will have him here to help me tomorrow. I feel so bad for relying on Darian to help me all the time. I broke down in tears tonight telling her that I really do appreciate all the help that she gives me around here. I am not cut out for this single Mom life :(

Weekend

They are just not long enough. Especially when that is the only time that your family is together.

Friday started with a trip to Walmart after I picked up My Dear Nathan from work. Then a trip to Westworld to pick up Darian's computer. It went fritzy and we took it in on Boxing Day and she was very anxious for us to bring it home to her. We were as well since My Dear Nathan takes it out of town with him so that we can ichat every night. Once we got home we realized that the computer was still not working properly so out the door and back to the store we went. This time I took Darian with me and an hour later we came home with a computer....only not hers. I bought a new computer for our basement to replace an old one. I love it. We did eventually get Darian's computer back that evening when I had to run back to the store with only 10 minutes before they closed to buy a connection for the new one. Happy early birthday to me. I should have wrapped it up first! I stayed up late playing with my new computer, tending to my Tiny Man who kept waking up and having a chat with a good friend. 4:00 I finally went to bed.

Camryn had a field trip with her Guide Unit to the Museum on Saturday morning. She seemed to have fun although a tiny bit of drama followed her home. My Dear Nathan went to pick her up when she asked if her friend (we will call her Ann) could come over to our house. MDN agreed and off Ann went to ask. Only thing was that she wasn't with her parents. MDN did not know this. Ann was supposed to get a ride to someone else's home where she would be picked up. I did not know this until later on but was less than impressed with both Camryn and Ann for even asking knowing that Ann was not with her parents. If this were Camryn I would have been furious at her for not going with the person she was supposed to be with and at the person I left her with for allowing her to go with someone else!

Ann eventually did get in touch with her parents and let them know where she was. Camryn did ask if she could sleep over but I have a rule of not being put on the spot with such requests and if I am the answer is always no. We had plans already, if you consider watching football plans that is. Anyway, I have to admit that I am not one of Ann's biggest fans and her time with us just confirms my feelings. When we went to drive her home she needed to be told by us to put on her seatbelt. This was after Camryn had already told her she needed to have it on. We have dropped Ann off at home on one other occasion last year but could not remember exactly where her home was. I asked her for her address. I didn't hear her the first time I asked so I asked again only to have her bark at me, in a snotty voice, that she did not know her address! She is 10 years old! How does she not know her address? I was floored but at least she knew her way home from the area that we were in.

After Ann was sent home we just went to pick up some groceries for dinner. We watched the football games on Saturday night and then My Dear Nathan and I proceeded to stay awake until 4:00 am talking. Just when we were going to bed our Tiny Man decided that he was going to wake up. I really wish he would find a schedule and stick to it because every time I begin to think that he is predictable he changes!!!

Sunday we just spent the day catching up on sleep and watching more football. We didn't get the chores done that we wanted to but I can do that during the week. 3 nights with My Dear Nathan is not enough to worry about how clean the area behind my stove is.

Update

So I have been doing some research on this sort of detox that we have been doing and apparently I shouldn't be doing it at all! Due to the fact that I am still breast feeding this is a little extreme in cutting back on the calories and other things necessary for me to breast feed. I am going to put this detox on hold until I have finished breast feeding but am committed to adding more fruits and veggies to my diet and cutting back on the things like caffeine and sugar. I was doing great but did find myself very hungry and I am not sure whether or not it was related but found that Kaiden was a tad bit dehydrated yesterday. :( I will update again on when we are going to give this a full go but I am in no way, shape or form going to quit breast feeding to do this. I worked too hard to breast feed my baby.

Ripping off Cammy ;)

She has done a "things that made me smile today" list here.

Here is mine:

• My baby falling asleep while nursing
• Darian and Camryn trying new foods with me
• The sound of my husband's voice
• Roo doing her Wall-E impression

All of these things would make me smile everyday but today was hard as I know that there is a member of my family who is in the struggle of his life and I am just grateful for what I have. I am truly blessed and need to acknowledge that more often.

Kaiden

On December 24 Kaiden celebrated his half birthday! I can't believe that time is flying by so quickly.

He went for his check up yesterday so here are his stats :)

Weight: 15 lbs 15 oz.

Height: 27 inches

Eyes: Blue

Doesn't he sound like a catch? lol...oh, I should also add that he has killer dimples.

He is totally mobile now and he is a fast little turkey. Our doctor seemed surprised that he is crawling already but I'm not. By the time Darian had her first halloween (she was almost 11 months old) she was walking! I think that this Tiny Man of mine will be an early walker too but if he decides to put it off that is just fine by me. I am in no rush for him to grow up and find that it has already whizzed by.

Just an update on our detox week. We are doing good. I have found myself throwing out things that might tempt me though. Bag of chips, gone. Half&half for coffee, gone. I forgot to weigh myself before this began but on the other hand I am reminding myself that this is about eating healthier and not specifically for weight loss. If it happens it will just be a pleasant side effect. The girls are doing great although I told Camryn that she is to eat a regular old lunch as I don't want her to be hungry or missing out on what she needs for her health. I am a tad hungry as I type this but I am hoping to be in bed within a half hour so will just plan on a great breakfast in the morning. Keep your fingers crossed that my Tiny Man sleeps all night tonight....Mamma needs it. :]

2010

Here we are in a new year and a new decade. I guess it is time to make some changes around here. I am hoping that this year will be a great one. 2009 was a good year, with the inevitable ups and downs. I fell in love with another man, lived with 1 too many of My Dear Nathan's brothers, travelled to my favorite place in the world...twice and started to plan our trip back.

We already have a busy year ahead of us with My Dear Nathan working out of town for the better part of the year to come. We have already been at it for a few months and it is bearable but not the preferred way of life. I am so thankful that my children are who they are. They are so helpful when Daddy is gone. Darian and Camryn are so helpful around the house and with their younger siblings.

We are going to begin our year with a week of a new eating plan. This is only for the first week though. We are going no caffeine, no dairy, no meat, no sugar and for me, no alcohol. I am looking forward to seeing how we do and am so impressed with my girl's willingness and excitement at trying this with their Mommy.

Now that my Tiny Man is 6 months old (holy cow....where did it go???) he can go to the daycare at the gym and I no longer have an excuse for not hauling my ass there. I hope that Roo will cooperate but have faith that as long as there is other children for her to play with that she will be a trooper and go for Mommy.

I also feel like I need to make a commitment to this blog. I enjoy looking back and reading some of the things that I have written here. More the stuff at the very beginning though. I don't want to turn this into a whinefest so I need to decide what to make this blog about. I am thinking that it will be the place for our daily lives, funnies and our (hopefully successful) life style changes. I need a place to vent but I will create another blog for it and leave it out of here. I am going to attempt to blog at least once per week. I know I am on the computer at least that often (ok...who am I kidding...I am on this damn thing daily).

I don't want to call these resolutions because those are things that everyone says they are going to do and then forget about by Valentine's Day. The only resolution that I kept last year was that I went on my very first roller coaster. 33 years old and I finally did it. I was so proud of myself. Here's to making 2010 a year of many new roller coasters :)

Yay!

Today is Friday. I always look forward to Fridays now! Nathan will home in about 4 hours. Now I am just trying to get things tidy so that he doesn't come home to our messy house. Actually it is more messy from all our Wii equipment as the kids, Uncle Christian and I have been playing lots this past week. Beats watching nothing on tv.

My parents have had an exciting week. 2 weeks from today they will be the proud owners of a home in Florence, Arizona. :) Yay! We all have somewhere warm to retreat to when winter gets the best of us. My Mom is pretty excited about it and when my Mom is excited then it must be something special.

Roo and Tiny Man are getting ready so that we can go pick up some stuff from Walmart....should be fun. I wonder if I will be able to make it out of there without looking at the Christmas stuff....Roo is loving looking at it all!

Better Night

I just read what I wrote this morning and I have to apologize for those that may still read. I was having a difficult morning. I wrote it before I got in the shower and decided not to let my day be ruined.

I knew that I couldn't be doing that bad as I was able to jump in the shower while Roo and Tiny Man watched the Little Einsteins together. Roo telling Kaiden about what was happening and telling him to pat-pat-pat.

I think that I am doing a good job with my kids. They are loving, empathetic, smart, out going, friendly, helpful and a million other lovely things that I have had a direct hand in nurturing. I love my kids and will continue to do my best and if I find that it isn't good enough then I will do better. They deserve it.

What The Fuck????

This morning was rough. Half my kids managed to get themselves into trouble before 8:00 a.m. One of them has been getting in trouble for the silliest of things. This morning, it was lying about what she had for breakfast. Why would she lie about that? Why? What am I doing wrong that makes it so that my kids think that it is ok for them to lie to me?

The other one has to taken to lying by omission. A new concept that I had to explain to her. Just because you are not outright lying about something does not make it ok to leave out important details.

Oh. My. God. What am I doing wrong? I wish I knew what to do. I don't want to be a bad Mom....that would just prove everyone right. I am sure that there are people out there who have been waiting for 14 years for me to fuck up my kids. I guess I could understand if I was out-right a shitty parent but I really am trying.

What do you do when your best is not good enough? How do you respond to single, childless men giving you parenting pointers? What do you do when there is so much going on that you can't say anything at all because it really just proves that you are in over your head? And to think....I still have 2 more to fuck up.... :(

Hard Morning

My Dear Nathan has been working out of town for the past few weeks. It was hard to drop him off the first time but I managed. The week after was easier and I thought that it would continue to be relatively painless as I got more used to it.

WRONG. This morning was very hard. I know that I am going to "see" him every night this week (via iChat, which is the best invention ever!) and that it is only 5 days at a time that we are apart but this morning.....sucked. I tend to let my imagination run a little wild and to think the worst at times so that didn't help.

It also doesn't help that I am at the end of my rope with having someone living in my basement. I think that this situation is leading me to the land of the crazy!! My BIL said that he was going to come stay at our house for a week while the kids and I were visiting my parents.....that was in JULY!!!

He has been with us since July. Not once was I asked if he could move in. Not once. I said almost a year ago before he even moved back to the city that I did not want to have someone living with us. I have been there, done that. I didn't want to have it again....but here I am.

It is nice that he is finally giving us some money to help cover the bills. The only problem with that is that he now thinks that he is paying rent and can dictate what happens in the space that he is taking up. Have I mentioned that he is in my kids basement? The place where they once used to have a television to watch, a computer to use, a space to practice their piano?

Ugg...I don't even want to think about it anymore. Suffice it to say that I am tired of the situation and it needs to end before I get really pissed off....anyway this morning sucked. The End.

Help!!

Las Vegas for 5 nights or Disney World for 6 nights? What would you do?

Tiny Man Update

Kaiden will be 4 months old in 10 days. I can't believe how fast time is flying by. It seems that the more I try to concentrate on enjoying it and savoring his babyhood the faster it slips through my fingers.

In the last 2 weeks he has started to roll over. This makes for some surprises when I go into his room at night for his feeding. I put him in one way and he wakes up in the complete opposite direction. Now this is much more than just rolling around considering that I still swaddle him and he manages to move around without unwrapping himself.

As mentioned, he is still waking up at night to eat. He does sleep for a good stretch of anywhere between 5 and 7 hours but then he wakes up for a snack. Usually I just bring him into bed to nurse him but this is becoming less and less comfortable with his increased wiggling. I spend most nights wedged between baby feet and my cat. At least it is soft on one side.

Kaiden is absolutely adored by his big sisters. Roo loves her "tiny man" which is nice considering that for the first few days of his life she wanted nothing to do with touching him. It took many days of encouraging her before she would lay a finger on him. Darian and Camryn love him too but it is just so cool to see my 2 youngest children play.

My Little Man is a smiler too. He has these beautiful dimples that, I am sure, will melt female hearts for a long time. He also has this laugh that turns my insides to mush, he sounds like such a boy. He thinks that it is funny when I kiss him on the neck and his furry little back is ridiculously ticklish. Poor guy got his ticklishness from his Mom.

Every now and again I am still in awe that I have a son. I am so lucky!

Tuesday

Well it once again has been way too long. Thanksgiving was this past weekend. I am thankful for many things. I am thankful for a wonderful, loving husband and our 4 healthy children. I am thankful for my husband still having a job, even if it does take him out of town right now. I am thankful that his job allows me to stay home with our kids. I am thankful for my awesome friends and all the things that they support me with...you know who you are! I am thankful for my parents, grandparents, uncles and all my other family.

I am, however, not thankful for the wretched weather that we are having. It is cold and snowing already. Now, I know that I live in Alberta and I know that I was born here and somehow that should make me used to it but you know what???? I am not used to it and I don't think, at this point in my life, that I ever will be!! I hate cold, and snow, and snowy cold and all the other things that come with winter in Alberta. I keep suggesting that we move to Florida where there is sun and warm, oh yeah, and NO SNOW AND COLD! So far that is a no go. I am trying though.

Now that Thanksgiving is over and winter has begun that means that Christmas is soon. I am bound and determined to get started early on the shopping part....today in fact. I would like at least to look and see what I am getting for who. Or nobody will get anything and I will go to Vegas....that sounds like a great idea. Who wants to come?

Football Sunday

Even though the season started 10 days ago already this was my first Sunday at home to watch football. All. Day. Long. I will be watching tomorrow night as well because that is when my team actually plays.

It was nice although I have noticed that I am not quite as into the games as I am when there is no one here. Awesome-Father-In-Law was here today and so was My Dear Nathan's brother. I cannot perform in front of such a crowd. I can look forward to visitor-free Sundays I guess.

Back Again

I am back from Florida again. I love it there! I can't wait to go back. I will try to get to posting some pics and what-nots....just depends on my Little Man. He tends to command all my attention.