Update

So I have been doing some research on this sort of detox that we have been doing and apparently I shouldn't be doing it at all! Due to the fact that I am still breast feeding this is a little extreme in cutting back on the calories and other things necessary for me to breast feed. I am going to put this detox on hold until I have finished breast feeding but am committed to adding more fruits and veggies to my diet and cutting back on the things like caffeine and sugar. I was doing great but did find myself very hungry and I am not sure whether or not it was related but found that Kaiden was a tad bit dehydrated yesterday. :( I will update again on when we are going to give this a full go but I am in no way, shape or form going to quit breast feeding to do this. I worked too hard to breast feed my baby.

Ripping off Cammy ;)

She has done a "things that made me smile today" list here.

Here is mine:

• My baby falling asleep while nursing
• Darian and Camryn trying new foods with me
• The sound of my husband's voice
• Roo doing her Wall-E impression

All of these things would make me smile everyday but today was hard as I know that there is a member of my family who is in the struggle of his life and I am just grateful for what I have. I am truly blessed and need to acknowledge that more often.

Kaiden

On December 24 Kaiden celebrated his half birthday! I can't believe that time is flying by so quickly.

He went for his check up yesterday so here are his stats :)

Weight: 15 lbs 15 oz.

Height: 27 inches

Eyes: Blue

Doesn't he sound like a catch? lol...oh, I should also add that he has killer dimples.

He is totally mobile now and he is a fast little turkey. Our doctor seemed surprised that he is crawling already but I'm not. By the time Darian had her first halloween (she was almost 11 months old) she was walking! I think that this Tiny Man of mine will be an early walker too but if he decides to put it off that is just fine by me. I am in no rush for him to grow up and find that it has already whizzed by.

Just an update on our detox week. We are doing good. I have found myself throwing out things that might tempt me though. Bag of chips, gone. Half&half for coffee, gone. I forgot to weigh myself before this began but on the other hand I am reminding myself that this is about eating healthier and not specifically for weight loss. If it happens it will just be a pleasant side effect. The girls are doing great although I told Camryn that she is to eat a regular old lunch as I don't want her to be hungry or missing out on what she needs for her health. I am a tad hungry as I type this but I am hoping to be in bed within a half hour so will just plan on a great breakfast in the morning. Keep your fingers crossed that my Tiny Man sleeps all night tonight....Mamma needs it. :]

2010

Here we are in a new year and a new decade. I guess it is time to make some changes around here. I am hoping that this year will be a great one. 2009 was a good year, with the inevitable ups and downs. I fell in love with another man, lived with 1 too many of My Dear Nathan's brothers, travelled to my favorite place in the world...twice and started to plan our trip back.

We already have a busy year ahead of us with My Dear Nathan working out of town for the better part of the year to come. We have already been at it for a few months and it is bearable but not the preferred way of life. I am so thankful that my children are who they are. They are so helpful when Daddy is gone. Darian and Camryn are so helpful around the house and with their younger siblings.

We are going to begin our year with a week of a new eating plan. This is only for the first week though. We are going no caffeine, no dairy, no meat, no sugar and for me, no alcohol. I am looking forward to seeing how we do and am so impressed with my girl's willingness and excitement at trying this with their Mommy.

Now that my Tiny Man is 6 months old (holy cow....where did it go???) he can go to the daycare at the gym and I no longer have an excuse for not hauling my ass there. I hope that Roo will cooperate but have faith that as long as there is other children for her to play with that she will be a trooper and go for Mommy.

I also feel like I need to make a commitment to this blog. I enjoy looking back and reading some of the things that I have written here. More the stuff at the very beginning though. I don't want to turn this into a whinefest so I need to decide what to make this blog about. I am thinking that it will be the place for our daily lives, funnies and our (hopefully successful) life style changes. I need a place to vent but I will create another blog for it and leave it out of here. I am going to attempt to blog at least once per week. I know I am on the computer at least that often (ok...who am I kidding...I am on this damn thing daily).

I don't want to call these resolutions because those are things that everyone says they are going to do and then forget about by Valentine's Day. The only resolution that I kept last year was that I went on my very first roller coaster. 33 years old and I finally did it. I was so proud of myself. Here's to making 2010 a year of many new roller coasters :)

Yay!

Today is Friday. I always look forward to Fridays now! Nathan will home in about 4 hours. Now I am just trying to get things tidy so that he doesn't come home to our messy house. Actually it is more messy from all our Wii equipment as the kids, Uncle Christian and I have been playing lots this past week. Beats watching nothing on tv.

My parents have had an exciting week. 2 weeks from today they will be the proud owners of a home in Florence, Arizona. :) Yay! We all have somewhere warm to retreat to when winter gets the best of us. My Mom is pretty excited about it and when my Mom is excited then it must be something special.

Roo and Tiny Man are getting ready so that we can go pick up some stuff from Walmart....should be fun. I wonder if I will be able to make it out of there without looking at the Christmas stuff....Roo is loving looking at it all!

Better Night

I just read what I wrote this morning and I have to apologize for those that may still read. I was having a difficult morning. I wrote it before I got in the shower and decided not to let my day be ruined.

I knew that I couldn't be doing that bad as I was able to jump in the shower while Roo and Tiny Man watched the Little Einsteins together. Roo telling Kaiden about what was happening and telling him to pat-pat-pat.

I think that I am doing a good job with my kids. They are loving, empathetic, smart, out going, friendly, helpful and a million other lovely things that I have had a direct hand in nurturing. I love my kids and will continue to do my best and if I find that it isn't good enough then I will do better. They deserve it.

What The Fuck????

This morning was rough. Half my kids managed to get themselves into trouble before 8:00 a.m. One of them has been getting in trouble for the silliest of things. This morning, it was lying about what she had for breakfast. Why would she lie about that? Why? What am I doing wrong that makes it so that my kids think that it is ok for them to lie to me?

The other one has to taken to lying by omission. A new concept that I had to explain to her. Just because you are not outright lying about something does not make it ok to leave out important details.

Oh. My. God. What am I doing wrong? I wish I knew what to do. I don't want to be a bad Mom....that would just prove everyone right. I am sure that there are people out there who have been waiting for 14 years for me to fuck up my kids. I guess I could understand if I was out-right a shitty parent but I really am trying.

What do you do when your best is not good enough? How do you respond to single, childless men giving you parenting pointers? What do you do when there is so much going on that you can't say anything at all because it really just proves that you are in over your head? And to think....I still have 2 more to fuck up.... :(

Hard Morning

My Dear Nathan has been working out of town for the past few weeks. It was hard to drop him off the first time but I managed. The week after was easier and I thought that it would continue to be relatively painless as I got more used to it.

WRONG. This morning was very hard. I know that I am going to "see" him every night this week (via iChat, which is the best invention ever!) and that it is only 5 days at a time that we are apart but this morning.....sucked. I tend to let my imagination run a little wild and to think the worst at times so that didn't help.

It also doesn't help that I am at the end of my rope with having someone living in my basement. I think that this situation is leading me to the land of the crazy!! My BIL said that he was going to come stay at our house for a week while the kids and I were visiting my parents.....that was in JULY!!!

He has been with us since July. Not once was I asked if he could move in. Not once. I said almost a year ago before he even moved back to the city that I did not want to have someone living with us. I have been there, done that. I didn't want to have it again....but here I am.

It is nice that he is finally giving us some money to help cover the bills. The only problem with that is that he now thinks that he is paying rent and can dictate what happens in the space that he is taking up. Have I mentioned that he is in my kids basement? The place where they once used to have a television to watch, a computer to use, a space to practice their piano?

Ugg...I don't even want to think about it anymore. Suffice it to say that I am tired of the situation and it needs to end before I get really pissed off....anyway this morning sucked. The End.

Help!!

Las Vegas for 5 nights or Disney World for 6 nights? What would you do?

Tiny Man Update

Kaiden will be 4 months old in 10 days. I can't believe how fast time is flying by. It seems that the more I try to concentrate on enjoying it and savoring his babyhood the faster it slips through my fingers.

In the last 2 weeks he has started to roll over. This makes for some surprises when I go into his room at night for his feeding. I put him in one way and he wakes up in the complete opposite direction. Now this is much more than just rolling around considering that I still swaddle him and he manages to move around without unwrapping himself.

As mentioned, he is still waking up at night to eat. He does sleep for a good stretch of anywhere between 5 and 7 hours but then he wakes up for a snack. Usually I just bring him into bed to nurse him but this is becoming less and less comfortable with his increased wiggling. I spend most nights wedged between baby feet and my cat. At least it is soft on one side.

Kaiden is absolutely adored by his big sisters. Roo loves her "tiny man" which is nice considering that for the first few days of his life she wanted nothing to do with touching him. It took many days of encouraging her before she would lay a finger on him. Darian and Camryn love him too but it is just so cool to see my 2 youngest children play.

My Little Man is a smiler too. He has these beautiful dimples that, I am sure, will melt female hearts for a long time. He also has this laugh that turns my insides to mush, he sounds like such a boy. He thinks that it is funny when I kiss him on the neck and his furry little back is ridiculously ticklish. Poor guy got his ticklishness from his Mom.

Every now and again I am still in awe that I have a son. I am so lucky!

Tuesday

Well it once again has been way too long. Thanksgiving was this past weekend. I am thankful for many things. I am thankful for a wonderful, loving husband and our 4 healthy children. I am thankful for my husband still having a job, even if it does take him out of town right now. I am thankful that his job allows me to stay home with our kids. I am thankful for my awesome friends and all the things that they support me with...you know who you are! I am thankful for my parents, grandparents, uncles and all my other family.

I am, however, not thankful for the wretched weather that we are having. It is cold and snowing already. Now, I know that I live in Alberta and I know that I was born here and somehow that should make me used to it but you know what???? I am not used to it and I don't think, at this point in my life, that I ever will be!! I hate cold, and snow, and snowy cold and all the other things that come with winter in Alberta. I keep suggesting that we move to Florida where there is sun and warm, oh yeah, and NO SNOW AND COLD! So far that is a no go. I am trying though.

Now that Thanksgiving is over and winter has begun that means that Christmas is soon. I am bound and determined to get started early on the shopping part....today in fact. I would like at least to look and see what I am getting for who. Or nobody will get anything and I will go to Vegas....that sounds like a great idea. Who wants to come?

Football Sunday

Even though the season started 10 days ago already this was my first Sunday at home to watch football. All. Day. Long. I will be watching tomorrow night as well because that is when my team actually plays.

It was nice although I have noticed that I am not quite as into the games as I am when there is no one here. Awesome-Father-In-Law was here today and so was My Dear Nathan's brother. I cannot perform in front of such a crowd. I can look forward to visitor-free Sundays I guess.

Back Again

I am back from Florida again. I love it there! I can't wait to go back. I will try to get to posting some pics and what-nots....just depends on my Little Man. He tends to command all my attention.

Credit Where Credit Is Due

I have to say an internet thank you (one that he will probably never know about) to Awesome Father-In-Law and another one to Uncle Christian. They have both graciously agreed to work a casino for 2 nights next week.

The casino is important to us because it is a fundraiser for Camryn. Her Girl Guide group (troupe, whatever you want to call it) is going on a mega-field trip next year to Yellowknife. This trip has been priced out to cost just over $2,000.00. Of course, being that I am made of money I could totally afford that but figured I would let Camryn participate with the little people and do some fundraising.

Each night that someone works a casino is worth $75.00 toward her trip. Awesome Father-In-Law will work 2 nights. Uncle Christian has also agreed to work 2 nights. $300.00. Thanks to the truly awesome in-laws for their time and effort to helping Camryn get to Yellowknife.

Big Brother

I love watching this show. Every episode gets more interested. One question though.....who the hell is dressing Julie Chen? Clowns? A stylist with a grudge? Her dress tonight looks like a bean bag chair. Just saying....

Game Shows

I have been watching The Price Is Right lately. I don't mind Drew Carey now. He is no Bob Barker but he has his own charm. I especially liked when he all but called a woman an idiot for her near $60,000.00 bid on her showcase, which consisted of a scooter, a golf cart (or what essentially amounted to one) and an american car. You knew that she was way off when the whole audience groaned at her bid. When Drew read the actual retail price he just looked at her and told her she was off.....by a mile.

I love watching people when they "come on down" to be the next contestant. They are so happy, they get confused as to where they are supposed to stand and they have those awesome name tags on. I love it even more when they get to play and win at the pricing games. More jumping, some yelling, awkward hugging of the host.

Everyone on game shows are just so happy to be there. They make me smile with their excitement. I remember when I was little that there was way more game shows on television. And way less talk shows. Talk shows are horrible (except for Oprah). There are doctor shows scaring the shit out of you. There is Dr. Phil telling you that you have to stay in a bad marriage or that you are a horrible parent. Then there are the likes of Jerry Springer and Maury Povich. They are bottom feeders. What happened to shows like The Newlywed game? You know, games where they talk about good, clean whoopee. We need some good ol' game shows back on the air.

Heavy Weight

Today I took Kaiden for his 6 week (although he is almost 7 weeks) check up. He weighed in at a whooping 9 lbs. 3 oz. That is good. That means that he has gained 2 lbs. 3 oz. in 3 weeks. He is back on target to where he should be.

I now face the weaning from formula and bottles dilemma though. I have noticed that he is taking less and less bottles through out the day but he is also getting lazy about sucking....if it isn't one thing it is another....oh well. I am happy that my boy is healthy and thriving. That is all that matters.

Let the work begin....

Some Pictures of My Babies

Point Ryleigh

Last night Ryleigh was being entertained by her favorite Uncle. He had been playing with her for awhile when Darian asked if he wanted to watch a movie. He said he would so he left Ryleigh to her own devices.

You would think that when he left her room that he had taken her heart out with his bare hands. She was crying and yelling "tum ay wiff me" (translation: come play with me). With the movie starting to play I told her that if she was going to cry that she had to do it in her room. Her response was to sit in the middle of the hallway and continue to wail.

***WARNING*** This is the part where I threaten to spank my child, making me the worst Mother ever. I often threaten this to show that I am serious. I don't spank my children....much ;) (I am kidding of course) (I spank them on a daily basis) (Again, I am kidding)

Anyway, now that is out of the way. After a few minutes of Ryleigh crying and in the middle of my "go cry in your room or I will spank your bum" she announced that she was done. She was done crying but informed me that she wanted to talk loudly. I had to turn away from her lest I burst out laughing in her face.

She insisted that she was going to continue to talk loudly until her Uncle came back. I again told her to go in her room to "talk loudly" or I would spank her bum. She then pointed out that she had won the game.....I couldn't spank her....she was sitting down. Ryleigh 1, Mommy 0.

Late Introduction

I hope you will forgive me for the late introduction....

Kaiden Nathan John

Born June 24, 2009 at 8:59 a.m.

Weight 7 lbs. 4 oz.

Kaiden arrived a few days late but that really is par for the course with my children. I had worried about having to have another c-section due to a previous one and some scarring on my cervix. I am so happy to say that I had a successful VBAC.

My labour started with contractions every 20 minutes apart at around 5 p.m. while Nathan and I were trying to have a nap. By 8 p.m. I called my parents to tell them that the contractions were only a few minutes apart and that we were going to head to the hospital.

At the hospital I was checked and found to be 2 cm. I was not excited about that. When they hooked me up to the machine my contractions slowed down. I was not excited about that either. On doctor's orders I wandered the hall of the hospital for an hour while the girls sat in the family room waiting for something to happen. It was getting late and they had school the next day. They were excited about the thought of not having to go in the morning. At least someone was excited at this point.

To make a long story short(er), I was sent home from the hospital, after refusing drugs, only to return with contractions less than a minute apart within 2 hours. Once I returned to the hospital I was found to be 4 cm. I got a little excited at this point because I was dilating. I was not sure if this would happen or not and it did. I screamed for my epidural and my favorite person of the evening arrived and hooked a Momma up!

After a long night, well, more so for Nathan and my Mom, trying to get some sleep in very uncomfortable delivery room chairs, at 8:56 am (as marked down by the nurse) I started to push. Kaiden was delivered in 3 pushes at 8:59 am. My doctor had stepped out of the room to give the nurse some room to get everything set up and missed the delivery. I could not believe how fast he came. It was wonderful. Everything looked great with him. We went home the next day but had to return for night to put Kaiden under the lights due to jaundice.

That in a nutshell was my delivery story. It has been a rough month though. I think that I lulled myself into this false sense of This-is-my-4th-baby-how-hard-can-it-be-itis. Kaiden is 5 weeks old and we are still struggling to really see eye-to-eye (or eye-to-boob, however you want to think about it) with breastfeeding. It has been 5 weeks of sore, cracked, raw nipples, low supply, weight loss (his, not mine....because if it were mine it would be a good thing), supplementation, city wide searches for supplemental nursing systems and tears. Lot and lots of tears.

My new boss is calling....I apologize if this doesn't make sense!!